Ampersand
by katnissdoesnotfollowback
Summary: All their friends are getting married. What's a pair of singles to do? Started for Prompts in Panem Round 6
1. Sunshine Dress & Pillow Fights

_**Warning: Sexual Content**_

_May 2014_

"Yoga breathing, Madge. Yoga breathing. Find your center and all that jazz," Katniss grasps her friend's shoulders tightly.

"I'm gonna bust a seam in this dress if I breath any deeper," Madge fans herself and looks desperately at Katniss. "Why am I so nervous? I'm sweating balls here."

"Because it's Johanna and she knows at least twenty ways to kill someone and hide the body."

Madge laughs and gives Katniss a grateful look. "Is that your way of telling me not to get cold feet?"

"Is it working?" When Madge nods, Katniss pulls her in for a hug. A knock sounds on the door, a male voice telling them it's time. The two friends pull apart; Katniss hands Madge her bouquet, fluffs the ivory dress one last time and holds the door open for her.

The ceremony is short and simple, officiated by Johanna's friend, Blight. Katniss stands between Madge and Delly, swiping at tears, refusing to let anyone see her cry, but thrilled this day has finally arrived for her friends. At one point, she catches Peeta's eye behind the happy couple and he grins at her. Standing beside Johanna as a Brides Man and Best Man Finnick, he looks handsome in his gray suit and yellow tie that matches Katniss's dress.

When Blight calls for the brides to kiss, Johanna dips Madge and proceeds to kiss her thoroughly. The small group of guests cheers loudly at the sight. After, Madge's face is flushed, her lips rosy and swollen, her blonde hair slightly mussed, but she's laughing and clasping her wife's hand.

Just before midnight, the newlyweds depart the reception. Collapsing in one of the chairs, Katniss removes her heels and groans.

"Excuse me, is this seat taken?"

With a smile, she shakes her head and gestures for Peeta to sit next to her.

"That was a very touching toast," he places a half-empty champagne flute on the table then reaches down, pulls one of her feet into his lap. He presses his thumbs into the soles of her foot and rubs small, firm circles into her sore flesh. She moans in response.

"Stop flattering me. We both know yours was better."

"No flattery. Yours was from the heart, so it didn't feel rehearsed."

She scowls at him but he just chuckles. "Yours was heart-felt too."

"Yes, but also practiced so much that it showed. Not in a good way." She opens her mouth but he speaks before she can protest. "It's just a compliment, love. Not a competition. Besides, Finnick let me know he was pissed. Said he asked me to make the toast thinking I'd smoke you." He places her foot back on the floor and picks up the other one. They sit in companionable silence a while, him rubbing her feet, her sipping champagne and examining her friend. They've known each other since kindergarten. Been friends since third grade. By high school, he was one of her best friends and stayed as such all through college and up to today. So why do things feel different right now?

Only a handful of guests are left, but the DJ still plays soft music. Confused by the direction her thoughts are taking, Katniss looks out over the dance floor and tries to put a name to what she's feeling.

"When was the last time you and I danced? Prom?" She nods, not wanting to look at him or think about Prom right now. "We should fix that." Gently, he places her foot on the ground then stands, holds a hand out to her. Her lips twitch upward as she places her palm against his, rises to her feet.

Peeta pulls her close, keeping hold of her hand and placing his other against the small of her back. Together, they sway to the soft music. Eventually, she rests her head on his shoulder.

"Things are changing aren't they?" She asks. The question sounds small and childish.

"Because all of our friends are getting married to each other?" All she can do is nod, her throat suddenly tight. The fabric of his suit against her cheek is soothing. "Not really. They've been couples for years now. Except Gale and Leevy, but I think we all saw that one coming." Katniss snorts at this. Peeta tightens his hold on her, leaving no room between them.

"I think my toast for them is going to be one sentence. 'About damn time.'" Peeta laughs, sending vibrations through her body and putting a smile on her face.

"No rehearsal needed for that toast. And yet still from the heart."

The song is almost over when they speak again.

"What's that saying about being a bridesmaid but never a bride?"

"Three times a bridesmaid, never a bride. I think. Why?" Peeta lowers his chin to try and look at her.

"I'm hitting my quota this summer alone."

With a gasp, Peeta pulls away from her. "Never say Katniss Everdeen is worried she won't get married some day? I thought you never wanted to marry?"

Shaking her head, she stares at her bare feet.

"Pardon, sir. There's a couple cases of beer and champagne leftover. What would you like to do with it?" The bartender interrupts before she can answer. When Peeta's hands leave her, she steps back and hugs herself. Brides Man duties call.

"I'll just take them." The bartender nods and leaves, presumably to gather the cases together. Looking around, Katniss notices they're the only ones left now. The DJ stops the music and finishes tearing down.

"Where is Finnick, anyway?" She asks him.

"Disappeared with Annie right after Madge and Johanna left."

"Why does that not surprise me?" Peeta chuckles and reminds her that their wedding is still two months away, as if she needed reminding.

While helping Peeta get the alcohol in his trunk, Katniss suggests they take a couple upstairs to her hotel room to relax a little more before they go to sleep. "I'm just not ready to end the day." He studies her for a moment before agreeing.

In her room, he takes off his jacket, draping it over the chair, loosens his tie then rolls up his sleeves. Katniss's mouth goes dry and she quickly grabs a bottle and gulps down almost half of the cold liquid.

"Slow down there champ. You're getting ahead of me already," he chuckles. They settle on opposite sides of her bed and she works up the courage to tell him what she was going to say downstairs.

"That thing about me never wanting to get married?" He nods, spurring her on. "I said that to Gale when he wanted us to be more. I don't know what exactly I was thinking when I told him, just knew that every time he talked about us making a go at more than friends, I broke into a cold sweat and thought about my parents and what a disaster they were, and I dunno. Gale and I just seemed so wrong that way and now I'm rambling." She takes another hasty swallow to shut herself up, nervous about his response.

"So marriage isn't a four letter word to you?"

"No," she shakes her head and is finally able to meet his eyes without looking away. "I think with the right person, I could be open to it. Back then, I was scared of destroying our friendship. Just about did anyways."

"High school will do that," he dead pans. "He almost gave me a black eye for dancing with you at Prom, you know."

"He did not. You're teasing me."

"I swear it on my father's secret cinnamon roll recipe. How was I supposed to know? I thought you guys went as friends, like Delly and I did."

"We _did_," she throws a hand up in exasperation. "Now you see my problem."

"So I shouldn't feel guilty for destroying your romance? Because I've been carrying that burden for years." His eyes crinkle at the corners and his lips spasm with the effort not to laugh.

"God, no. Not even close. Besides, that was _our_ jam we danced to."

Rubbing the back of his neck, Peeta finally lets loose his laugh. "Do we have to bring up embarrassing memories?"

"You started it," she sticks her tongue out at him and his eyes dart down to her mouth briefly. His own tongue sneaks out to lick his lips before hiding behind his bottle. "How are we all still friends?" She asks, scrunching her nose at the memories of all their teenaged drama.

"Pure. Effing. Magic."

Placing her empty bottle on the nightstand, Katniss lays down, wrapping herself around a pillow and basking in the laughter that never seems in short supply around Peeta. As long as she can remember, she's always felt this way around him. Warm and content. This niggling itch is a recent development and it frightens her a little.

"Since we're confessing here, I had the biggest crush on you in grade school," he says before he tips his beer up for another swig.

"What? No way."

"Oh yes, sweetheart. You had seven year old Peeta wrapped around your finger."

She shakes her head and laughs. "You, sir, are teasing again."

"No, no. I would've baked anything for you."

Her heart trips at his words and the sudden, intense look in his eyes.

"And if you still had a crush on me? Would you bake anything for me now?" She can barely breathe, her skin has come alive under his gaze. She's practically buzzing.

"Sorry, too late. I don't have a crush on you anymore," he says with a wicked grin. "You'll have to purchase your baked goods."

At that, she picks up one of the pillows and launches it at his head. Peeta sputters for a moment but then grasps the pillow and crawls towards her. "Don't start it if you can't finish," he growls just before the pillow flies into her face.

Laughter fills the hotel room as the pair pummels each other. She lands a solid blow to his temple, causing him to lose his balance. Peeta grabs her ankle and yanks her down with him. Yelping, Katniss tries to recover from the fire spreading outward from his palm, up her leg. He grabs the other ankle and shifts himself. Somehow, he ends up hovering over her, his hands pinning hers to the mattress, a smile on both their faces, their fingers twined. Her heart pounds and his nearness isn't helping any. Looking into those blue eyes she's never had reason to doubt, she bites her lower lip, her chest heaves with the effort to draw in air.

Without meaning to, she drops her gaze to his mouth. Those smiling, laughing lips that always had the answer, the way to make her forget whatever was bothering her. Right now, they're pink and spread over his familiar smile, but the reaction is anything but familiar. Heat spreads from her heart across her chest, blooms in her cheeks, and is kindled between her legs.

Oh, God. She wants Peeta. Badly.

"Katniss," he says, the rich timbre of his voice sweeps through her, making her flesh break into goose bumps. "Katniss look at me, please."

Her eyes travel upwards to meet his. "I am looking at you," she says, her voice almost inaudible. His head dips slightly, his eyes searching hers. Just when she thinks he's going to close the distance and kiss her, Peeta lets go of her and shoves himself off the bed.

For a minute, she just lays there, flexing her fingers, painfully aware of how her dress is twisted around her limbs. Twice she opens her mouth only to snap it shut. Peeta sits on the couch and finishes his beer, runs his hand through his curls. And still she says nothing.

"I should probably head back to my room," his voice is suddenly strained and distant. "We've both got a couple hours driving to get home tomorrow."

"Yeah," she says, cursing her stinging eyes and ragged answer. She sits up with her back to him and straightens her hair. "Yeah, that'd be best. Guess I shouldn't have picked a pillow fight with a state wrestling champion."

Her only answer is the sound of him standing and tossing empty bottles into the trash bin. This awkward feeling is too much for her to bear. All of their friends are getting married. What will she do if she loses Peeta, too? Swallowing down her fear, she goes to him, picking up his jacket.

The pillow comes out of nowhere, landing squarely atop her head. Jerking her head up to look at him in disbelief, she's captivated by his smile and the chuckle making his shoulders shake.

"Oh hell no!" She throws down the jacket and resumes the pillow fight. "You know I can't back down from a challenge."

"I was counting on that," he laughs in her face right before she knocks the smirk off him.

Maybe it's the alcohol or the laughter or the fear of being left behind by all their friends. Whatever it is, she can't shake this pull towards him. Somewhere in between hits with a pillow, she finds her mouth joined to his. This time, he doesn't pull away.

Kissing Peeta feels so right and natural. With one final _fwap_ against her back, he flings the pillow across the room and devotes his hands to her. She tears at the buttons on his shirt while he maps the curves of her body, slowly lowers the zipper on the side of her dress. Then he peels it off, laying kisses across her shoulders.

"You aren't fighting fair," he complains when she undoes his belt and pants.

"Do I ever?"

His answer is a quick shake of his head and to toe off his dress shoes and step out of his pants. He lets her go only long enough for her to shove the shirt off of him, but it catches on something.

"Ow, shit. I forgot about those."

"What _are_ you wearing, Peeta?"

"They're called shirt garters."

"They look ridiculous."

"They _are_ ridiculous. I'm going to desecrate the grave of whoever thought they'd be a good invention."

She's laughing as she watches him struggle to remove the shirt-garter-sock ensemble. Still laughing when his lips return to her neck, his hands to unclasp and discard her bra. But she stops when he tumbles them back onto the bed and takes her breasts in his warm palms, claims her mouth once more with his. Katniss smiles into the kiss and runs her fingers through his hair, gives them a gentle tug.

Peeta groans and nips gently at her lower lip, his hips thrust against hers.

"You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that," she confesses, thrusting back and tugging again. He covers her in open mouthed kisses, starting at her neck, pausing at her breasts until she's tugging urgently on his hair and panting, teasing at her navel and eliciting gasping giggles as he tickles her. His hands travel lower than his mouth, slipping inside her panties.

"Katniss," he moans out her name when he finds what he's looking for and she forgives him all the stupid endearments she hates him using for her if he'll just say her name like that every time. Peeta slides up her body, their skin sticking in places. He goes back to kissing her neck, but leaves his hand to work pure effing magic.

She's warm all over and making embarrassingly loud noises but everything he does feels impossibly good.

"Do you have any idea how sexy you are?"

Raising an eyebrow at him, she lowers her voice and purrs, "Shut up and get inside me, Peeta."

He drops his forehead to her shoulder for a moment and his hands lose their rhythm with his laughter. "Holy hell, Katniss." But he does what she asks, fishing a condom out of his wallet and rolling it on.

When he's done, she grabs his hips pulling him towards her and guiding him. His hands clench on either side of her head, gathering the sheets, and his mouth falls open. He goes slowly, letting her adjust, the muscles in his stomach twitch with the effort of holding back and she thinks he's one of the most erotic things she's ever seen. Katniss pulls her knees up and locks her ankles around his hips, swiveling hers underneath him.

"You're killing me," he groans.

"What a way to go," she says in her low purr and pushes against him, triggering him to start moving.

It's like nothing she's experienced before, laughing with him as he picks up the porno voice and spills dirty words between them, gasping at the pleasure they create in one another. She's laughing so hard she can barely breathe and there's a stitch in her side, but there's also the building of something burning and intense, deep inside. He kisses her around their mirth and pushes her over the edge.

She's still shaking, although she's not sure if it's residual laughter or her orgasm, when he gathers her in his arms and rolls them over. But her leg gets caught in a sheet, and he slips from her. They're tangled and Peeta's cursing.

"They don't cover crap like this in sex-ed. But they should. Rolling Over Without Losing the Rhythm 101."

"With an Advanced Option in Transitions to and from Standing Positions," she quips.

"Playboy, at the least, should do a feature on this."

Katniss sinks down on him, cutting off his words. She wastes no time rolling her hips over him and after that neither of them can speak, too lost in each other and their shared laughter. It isn't long before his fingers dig into her hips and he arches his back, shouting her name. The new angle is enough to send her tumbling after him. And she likes that version of her name even better.

Satiated, Katniss collapses on his chest, his arms wrapped snugly around her. At some point, he leaves to clean up and she vaguely feels him giving her a sponge bath before climbing back in beside her.

But in the morning, Peeta's gone. All that's left of his presence in her room is a mess of pillows, a crummy two sentence note, and an ache somewhere near her heart.

Her movements are mechanical as she showers, finishes packing, and checks out. She drives in silence, not even bothering to turn on the radio, and resists the temptation to drive to his city instead of hers. Once in her apartment, she reads the note again:

_Katniss,_

_Had to get an early start and didn't want to wake you. Call me when you get home._

_-Peeta_

Then she crumples it up and throws it in the trash.

She has lots to do, she tells herself as she unpacks from the wedding, cleans her apartment, checks her e-mail, calls her mother and her sister, and devises a plan to end world hunger…instead of calling him. It's almost 9 when her phone rings. She glares at his name and puts the phone back down.

By the time he calls again 30 minutes later, her walls are firmly in place.

"Hello?"

"Katniss! I was starting to worry about you."

"I'm fine, Peeta." He must hear something in her voice because he hesitates a moment.

"Listen, about last night—"

"You don't have to explain anything. It was just sex, Peeta."

She counts to eight, listening to his breathing before he speaks again.

"Right. Okay. Well, I'm glad you made it home alright."

"Since I've got you on the phone, we should talk about a few things for Gale and Leevy's wedding. We've only got three weeks to get everything finalized."

"Yeah, sure…fire away, darling," he says in that strained distant voice she heard last night, after he'd pushed away from her.

They finish dealing with everything on her list and hang up, their good-byes formal and stilted. Katniss brushes her teeth and curls up in her bed, willing herself not to do something stupid like cry.

_TO BE CONTINUED…Look for Part 2, Khaki Shorts &amp; Hiking Boots, on Day 4 (Green)_


	2. Khaki Shorts & Hiking Boots

_**Thank you to my two amazing betas, imagobeginsagain and arollercoasterthatonlygoesup. I was not happy with the version of this chapter that I originally posted to Prompts in Panem and these two lovely ladies were instrumental in making it a million times better.**_

_**Warning: Mild Sexual Content, Mild Language, Mentions of Child Abuse  
**_

_**December 2003**_

Katniss slams the door to her house and races through the rain. Within minutes, cold water has filled her shoes and soaked her socks. Rivulets trickle under the collar of her jacket, freezing her neck. By the time she reaches Peeta's door and pounds her fist on it, she's drenched through.

"Katniss?" Mr. Mellark asks in surprise when he pulls the door open.

"Is Peeta here?" Her voice sounds shockingly calm, given her bedraggled appearance and the fact that she's fighting the urge to break something or to scream. She hasn't decided yet.

"He is. Just one moment." The door shuts, but quickly opens back up. She makes a strangled noise when he looks at her, his blue eyes going wide at the sight.

"What happened? Never mind, come inside." He motions for her to enter, but she shakes her head, suddenly unsure of herself.

"I'm dripping. I'll just get you in trouble with your step-mom. I shouldn't have come here."

"Katniss, get in the house. We've got towels. And I'll deal with the Step." He takes her hand and pulls her slowly inside, as though she'll bolt if he makes any sudden movements. "Wait here," he tells her and runs off. He comes back moments later with a towel, wraps it around her. Then he kneels in front of her to unlace her shoes. He instructs her to hold onto his shoulders while he slips her shoes and socks off her feet. Before she can protest, he's lifted her into his arms and is carrying her upstairs. She lowers her head to his shoulder, soothed by his warmth and the feel of his strong arms cradling her.

Taking her into one of the bathrooms, he sets her on the counter then starts the shower. Once steam begins to fill the room, he digs in the cabinet for another towel, sets it on the commode. "Be right back."

She hears him rummaging in his room and when he returns, he lays out a pair of track pants, a worn out t-shirt, and one of his wrestling hoodies. When he turns to face her, she's expecting pity. But all she sees is…concern. "Take a shower, get warmed up. And if you want to talk after, I'll be here. Whenever you need to leave, I'll drive you home, okay?" His hand covers her cheek and she leans into the touch.

She nods and he leaves, shutting the door behind him. Fifteen minutes later, she's showered and dressed in Peeta's clothes, smells of his soap. The pants are too big so she had to tuck in the shirt and roll the waistband a couple times. Not certain if she should go downstairs and risk running into his step-mom, she heads to Peeta's room first. He's there, shoving sketch books and boxes of pencils and markers into his desk drawers.

"You didn't have to clean up for me," she tells him.

"It was a lot worse ten minutes ago," he smiles and waves her into the room. "C'mere." Katniss falls into his arms and chokes back a sob when they enfold her into his embrace. It's not like her to allow someone to take care of her like this. She's always insisted on finding her own way. Being strong. But tonight, she needs it. They stand like that, listening to the rain on his window and the sounds of the other breathing. She flattens her palms and her ear against his chest, hoping to leech off some of his steadiness. She can feel the solid planes of his muscles through his cotton t-shirt and hear the rhythmic thumping of his heart. With it, she finds the courage to speak.

"They're getting a divorce."

The sharp intake of Peeta's breath is the only reaction she gets.

"This wasn't supposed to happen. They were in love!" One of his hands runs over her still-damp hair, stops at the nape of her neck. "Dad's moving to California. He's got a new job out there or something."

"What about you? And Prim?" His quiet voice rasps against her forehead.

"Staying here with Mom."

"Is that what you want?"

"I don't have a choice," she tells him and starts to hiccup with suppressed sobs. "Dad…he told me we were staying here. No other option."

"Visitation?"

"I don't know." If possible, Peeta's arms tighten around her. Then he lifts her up slightly and turns, setting them on his bed so she can sit in his lap and cry onto his shoulder. By the time she's cried out, the rain has slowed to a drizzle and the sky is turning dark.

"What can I do, Katniss? How can I help?"

"You've done so much already." She tells him, nuzzling against his broad shoulders. How had she never noticed how sturdy he was before this? "I guess I don't want to lose my Dad. But I don't want to lose my friends either. And all of my friends are here."

"Does Gale know?"

She shakes her head. "I thought of you first." Peeta's hands spasm on her back and she wonders if she's offended him, by running to him. "I mean you've…"

"Done this already?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It's the truth. And you can talk to me anytime you need."

"Really?" She looks up at him, a strange spark of hope kindled in her at the earnest gaze he's giving her.

"Really. That's what friends do, after all."

She sits cuddled in his arms for long minutes, simply breathing and enjoying the feel of his hands as they rub her back.

"How about a mug of tea?" He asks.

"I'd like that." So Peeta gently places her on the bed and leaves the room, looking back at her from the doorway to give her a sweet smile. When he returns, he's carrying two steaming mugs and a plate of bread. They drink their tea and munch on the warm slices, not saying much of anything. By the time they finish, the sky is fully dark and Peeta asks if she's ready to go home.

She shakes her head almost violently. "Prim's at a friend's tonight. They haven't even told her yet. AndDad's staying at a hotel."

"And your mom? She'd probably like you to be there."

Katniss deflates a little and finally nods, going to retrieve her wet clothes from the bathroom floor. They're silent on the way back to the Everdeen home, but the silence in the house itself is worse, hollow, whereas the silence in Peeta's car was comfortable. Mrs. Everdeen barely acknowledges that Katniss is there before retreating to her room and shutting the door. Peeta looks at her nervously.

"Will you…will you stay awhile, Peeta?"

"Sure. Just let me call my dad real quick." Phone call made, they settle on the couch, a comedy playing on the TV that neither pays attention to. She's still wearing his clothes, not ready to give them up yet. Somehow, she ends up sprawled across his chest, his arms around her once again. Eventually, that's how they fall asleep.

_**May 2014**_

Morning brings the pang of memories. With a glare out the window, Katniss curses the sun's audacity to show its face today. She pulls herself from the bed and gets ready for work, periodically checking her phone for messages from Peeta. Why does she want to hear from that prick anyways? Grabbing hold of her righteous anger, she finishes her coffee and heads out to work.

Between wedding plans and her job at an environmental engineering firm, her week is a blur of activity. But by Wednesday, she's overly tensed and stressed. She'd never realized how big a part Peeta had come to play in her life. Not until his daily texts and phone calls never came. Or when her least favorite co-worker decided to be an even bigger jerk than usual and her first thought was to call Peeta to vent.

…Could she even do that anymore? She'd been the one to label what had happened as meaningless. But he was the one who'd suddenly stopped communicating. If it had really been meaningless, shouldn't they be able to go on as usual?

_This is insane, _she tells herself. She doesn't need to be dependent on someone who wasn't there the morning after.

The thing is, up until Sunday he'd alwaysbeen there for her. When her parents got divorced. When things were going sour with Gale. When she almost lost her scholarship because money was tight and she'd had to take on another job. Somewhere along the line, she'd stopped running to Gale and started running to Peeta.

When she checks her e-mail one last time before heading home, she blinks and her lips tick up in the beginnings of a smile at Peeta's name in her inbox. Except it turns out to be a very business-like message confirming some details about the menu for the upcoming wedding. Peeta works at the restaurant of the mountain lodge where Gale and Leevy chose to get married, and is in charge of the catering for the event. She's only cc'd on the message. It was actually sent to the happy couple. With a little teeth grinding, she packs up her stuff and heads on out.

"Hey, Katniss!" She's hailed near the front desk.

"Hello, Marvel."

"I was wondering, if you weren't busy or anything, if you'd maybe like to grab a drink sometime."

Katniss stares at Marvel for a moment, wondering why on earth he thought she'd be interested. She's never shown him any friendliness beyond what the job requires. On the other hand, she's still pissed and stinging over what's happening with Peeta.

"Sure. I'd like that," the words leave her mouth without her brain's permission. Her voice sounds robotic, but Marvel doesn't seem to notice. They arrange to meet at a local bar on Friday night and Katniss tries to shake the awful churning feeling in her stomach. It's not like she's committed to anyone or anything. She's perfectly free to go on dates.

Over the next days, a few more wedding related e-mails pass between her and Peeta. On reading through their dialogue, she's struck by how wooden they sound. Not at all like her usual exchanges with him.

There's a complete lack of warmth or humor.

_**March 2004**_

"One, two, three, lift," Gale instructs. He and Peeta heft the couch out of the van and head towards the front door. As they pass Katniss, Peeta gives her a weak smile. She wraps her arms around her middle and continues on into the van, picking up a box then following them into the house. One of the side effects of the divorce was that Ms. Everdeen could no longer afford the rent on their house. Not if she wanted to have any money lying around to help the girls through college. She was still looking for a second job to help pick up the slack, assuming that Katniss's Dad would not be reliable for child-support.

The decision to move had been an easy one, she insisted to Katniss, although her oldest daughter could plainly see the tears threatening to spill.

When she'd told her friends, they'd gathered an army to help, so at the least, the Everdeen girls wouldn't have to hire movers.

Gale brought his brothers and cases of Gatorade and water. Peeta brought sandwiches from his family's bakery and convinced his two older brothers to come home for the weekend to help as well. Delly brought a furniture delivery van and dollies from her parents' business along with her father and little brother. Madge and Thom rounded out the group nicely, both also contributing food to the effort.

The day had been busy and they were now on the last load. All that remained was a couple of end tables and a handful of boxes. Katniss drops her box in the kitchen and surveys her new home for a moment.

"You okay?" Peeta asks behind her. She turns and takes in his faded jeans and worn out t-shirt, his double knotted sneakers. Ever since the night she'd run to him in the rain, something in their friendship had shifted. There had been several nights he'd snuck out of his house and into hers, prompted by midnight text messages. Nothing's happened beyond holding one another and sleeping, yet the comfort from that simple act has made the past few months almost tolerable for Katniss. He still makes her laugh. They still act like goofballs, although not as often lately. But in moments like this, when she feels scared and weak, he's right there, bringing steadiness and sanity to her overturned world.

"Yeah," she finally croaks out. "Just a little sad." He rubs his hands up and down her arms, as if chasing away a chill. The touch is welcome and she gives him a wan smile. "Thanks for doing this."

"Always," he answers, as though it were obvious. "Just a few more boxes," he says before leaving her in the kitchen. Grabbing a box cutter, she gets to work unpacking the boxes already there.

Later that night, after Prim has disappeared to set up her room and Ms. Everdeen has left for her late night shift at the hospital, they sit in the living room, unloading photo albums and novels onto the bookshelves. Everyone else but Peeta has gone home.

When he reaches high to place a stack of books on a shelf, his shirt rides up. Katniss notices a series of ugly purple bruises under his ribs. She gasps.

"Peeta, what happened to you?"

Jerking his shirt back down, he turns away from her, but he can't hide how red his ears turn.

"Nothing. Rough practice for wrestling is all."

They're silent for a moment before Katniss is able to swallow her anger and prod him. She knows those aren't from wrestling.

"How long?"

He doesn't answer at first. She's starting to think he won't… "Three years." Some quick mental math tells her that's about when his father re-married.

"Does your Dad know?"

Peeta scoffs. "It's my Dad. King of the Oblivious."

"Why don't you tell him?"

"Because she's already told him that I have my heart set on breaking them apart. He'll ask her about it and she'll tell him it's one of my tactics."

"Then show him, Peeta! Or fight back! You're bigger and stronger than her."

He simply continues placing the books on the shelf. "I'm leaving for school in a few months. She won't be able to touch me there."

"You should still tell someone. Social services or something."

He looks over and gives her a smile. It doesn't come anywhere close to reaching his eyes. She wonders how many of the smiles Peeta's handed out over the years are like this one. "And end up in a foster home far from here? It's only a few more months. Maybe for now...we could just keep this between you and me?"

"And do nothing?" She snaps the question out.

"No," he says, giving her a hint of his usual smile. "I plan on learning how to duck faster."

"That isn't funny, Peeta."

"You're right. It isn't." He keeps stacking books on the shelf while she waits for him to say something. "Like I said, it isn't that long before I leave. I'll be okay, Katniss. I feel better confiding in you, even if there's nothing to _do_."

She's got no idea how to respond. There's a vice on her lungs. She wants to run. To scream. To wrap him up and drag him away from everyone. To do unspeakable things to his stepmother. She can't do _nothing_, can she? Her shoulders bend with the weight of secrets and all she _can_ manage to do right now is keep her hands busy. She'd known his step-mother was a witch. Cruel. Frequently said things to Peeta to make him feel worthless. And now she learns he's getting hit as well?

They continue unpacking but the silence eats away at her. And that night, she asks him to stay again. Not for her, but for him.

_**May 2014**_

Peeta cups her face in his hands, holding her to him in a lazy kiss. His tongue massaging hers mirrors the motions of her hips as she rides him at an agonizingly slow pace. Liquid heat spreads through her veins and she moans into his mouth, desperate for more, for a faster pace. Sitting up, she quickens the tempo. His hands slide down her neck to fondle her breasts. Soon, she's gasping and jerking her hips.

"Oh God, Peeta!"

The tones of her phone's alarm pull Katniss from her dream and she groans. This isn't the first time she's had dreams like this about Peeta since Madge's wedding. She can't seem to get that night out of her head. It doesn't help that she's used to talking to him almost daily but he still hasn't broken from their new pattern of keeping to e-mail and a rare text here and there, and _only_ if it has something to do with the two weddings they're getting ready. She wonders if she'll be facing total radio silence after Finnick and Annie get married in July.

For now, though, she's absurdly aroused and supposed to leave for her date with Marvel in an hour. So much for a refreshing nap, she thinks as she peels herself off the couch and rubs her temples. Her phone rings again, only this time, Peeta's name flashes on the screen.

Great. Just what she needs.

"Hello, Peeta," she says tersely.

"Hey…Katniss, I—"

"Can you make this quick? I'm kind of getting ready for a date," she cuts him off, annoyed because _fuck!_ She misses him so much it aches and she wants him still and his voice saying her name in that hesitant tone is doing strange things to her and who the hell is he to give her the cold shoulder after he left her in bed?

"A date?" he asks.

"Yes, Peeta. A date." She rubs her thighs together, trying to relieve some tension, but it isn't working. She's too busy remembering how filthy his mouth was that night and just what it could do to her mouth, her breasts, her skin. And not for the first time, she wonders what he could do with it in other, far more intimate places.

She needs to get off the phone soon.

"Oh…it's nothing that can't wait."

"Then I'll talk to you later," she says, hanging up without letting him say anything else. Because now she's gonna need to squeeze in time for her vibrator before she goes on her date. Things would be a lot less complicated if she could stop lusting after her best friend. Why must boys be so ridiculous?

_**April 2004**_

_The thump of the music in the ballroom is giving Katniss a headache. Gripping fistfuls of her skirt, she makes her way back to their table. She's just going to grab her purse then hide in the lobby somewhere until it's time to go. Stupid boys ruin everything. For weeks and weeks, she hadn't been excited about Prom. Not at all. Then she'd found out Peeta and Delly were going just as friends._

"_No romantic hassles, discount tickets, and guaranteed fun," Peeta had told their group._

"_Do I still get a corsage?" Delly had asked._

"_You're my date, aren't you?" he'd said with a winning smile, making her squeal and bounce in her seat at the lunch table. _

"_I'm so excited!"_

_Madge had paired off with Thom, both of them pissed that their conservative school rules wouldn't allow them to take who they'd wanted to ask. "Same sex couples aren't real couples," Thom had said in a frighteningly accurate imitation of their guidance counselor. They organized a protest, but all that did was land them and their friends in detention. At least Coach Abernathy was the moderator that week and agreed with them. Detention was anything but punishment in this case. Still…_

_That left Katniss and Gale without dates. Naturally, they joined the going-as-friends bandwagon and the group of six was able to reserve half a table together. Prom looked much more enjoyable after that._

_And it had been…until Gale had kissed her._

_She'd reacted too slowly to the kiss. He'd caught her unprepared. And now she's fuming. _

_And grateful that their table is empty when she gets there. Grabbing her purse, she whirls back around to leave, colliding solidly with Peeta._

"_Whoa! You okay, Katniss?" he asks, grasping her shoulders to keep her from losing her balance._

"_Yes, I'm fine," she snaps._

"_You look it," he teases her, a playful smile dancing on his lips. She scowls at his joke and he sobers quickly. "You really are lovely." He says in a soft voice that sends chills over her skin._

"_Thank you," she smiles and looks away, unable to meet his gaze after her odd reaction._

"_You aren't leaving, are you?" He gestures to her purse._

"_I…" she can't finish the sentence. She will NOT break down over this._

"_They haven't even played our song yet. You know they're going to sometime tonight, right?" He nudges her toe with his, and she looks up. Sincere smile and cheerful blue eyes. "You are not allowed to leave Prom until you've danced your ass off to at least one song."_

_She wavers, and his kindness makes her realize that she hasn't been a very good friend to Peeta lately. Caught up in her mother's issues and trying to make sure Prim had everything she needed, she'd avoided facing what Peeta had told her the day she moved, although not intentionally. Overwhelmed and tired of feeling powerless, she'd dealt with what she could control. Now she worries maybe she let him down somehow. But he didn't exactly give her much choice._

_Examining his eyes, she searches for the melancholy she saw that night. She hasn't seen a mark on him since, but that doesn't mean they aren't there. She wants to ask him, but doubts he'd appreciate the question right now. Not here. Tonight is supposed to be happy, magical. Instead, she's miserable and who knows what he's dealing with. Perhaps he's got the right idea. Just a moment of escape. One song._

"_Alright," she agrees, placing her purse back under the table. "Then let's go dance."_

_One song turns into five, including one slow number during which Peeta leads her around the floor in an exaggerated mockery of a tango._

"_I have no clue what I'm doing," he says as he spins her around then dips her. She's laughing at his antics, letting him take her along for the ride because she hasn't had this much fun in months. Not since before her parents announced they were getting a divorce._

_It's after their nowhere near a tango that Outkast's "Hey Ya" comes on and Peeta grins at her. "Told you they'd play it!" Ever since this song came out right after school started, Peeta claimed it as theirs for no other reason than that they both loved it. There was also that car ride when the two of them had belted out the lyrics with the radio and danced in their seats. Gale had told them they were idiots while Madge cheered them on._

_He takes both her hands in his and pulls her into the song. It all starts out innocently. Just two friends who share a love for the beat of the song and the fun lyrics. They're holding hands, moving to the music. And then they're not._

_Right around the time Andre 3000 tells them to shake it like a Polaroid picture, her backside somehow ends up pressed against his front, arms arched back and hands clasped behind his neck. His hands are splayed on her abdomen, one just below her breasts, the other dangerously lower. His breath skates across her shoulders and down her neck as their hips move together. They stay that way for the rest of the song and into the next…_

Katniss sits up in her desk chair, dismayed that she's once again daydreaming about Peeta. Did they really dance like that at Prom? No wonder Gale tried to punch Peeta. At the time, she'd just been having fun, getting lost in the music. She'd never thought that dance had been so…erotic. Or maybe her memories of _that night_ are clouding her memories of Prom.

At one point, Marvel stops by to chat with her. She tries to smile and be friendly, but it's beyond her today. Their date on Friday night was okay, nothing spectacular. Her thoughts had drifted to her earlier dream about Peeta near the end of it so when Marvel had asked for a second date, she'd agreed without realizing what she was doing.

Also, Peeta never called her back, leaving her to assume that whatever he'd wanted to talk about was wedding related and covered in an e-mail that weekend.

The questionable memories of Prom plague her for a few days until she meets Madge for lunch. It's the first they've been able to get together since she and Johanna got back from their honeymoon. Madge delivers a glowing description of Barbados, and it's only the hint of blush and the slightly breathy quality to her voice that lets Katniss know _everything_ on the honeymoon was perfect.

"But what about you?" Madge asks when their plates are half empty. "You look different…"

Katniss shakes her head and insists she's just swamped with getting ready for Gale and Leevy's nuptials. "Just over a week away," she trails off when she's hit with the realization that the bachelor party is in two days. It'll be the first time she sees Peeta since…well since.

"No, that's not it. What's on your mind, Katniss?" Madge asks.

Biting her lip, Katniss wants desperately to confide in someone, but fears judgment. Then again, this is Madge. One of her best friends. "Did Peeta and I…at Prom, when we danced…I mean to say was it…"

"Hot beyond reason? Practically soft-core porn?"

"Madge!" Katniss shushes her friend, looking around the restaurant and hoping no one heard.

"What? It was. Thom and I were placing bets on how soon you guys would hook up after that. Delly joined in, too when she surfaced from making out with what's-his-face in the corner. The only one who didn't seem impressed at all was Gale. And well, we know why that is."

"Shit," Katniss curses under her breath. Curiosity gets the better of her. "How long did you guys think it'd be?"

Madge tries to wave the question away, but Katniss persists. "Doesn't matter, really. All our guesses were within a year."

"Did you know that Gale tried to deck Peeta after that?"

Suddenly Madge is snorting with laughter. "That was the highlight of the night. God, Peeta's face when Gale took a swing! He's lucky he managed to duck in time. Thom was able to avert a fight, at least. You didn't know about that?" Katniss shakes her head. "Huh, well anyways, why the sudden trip down memory lane?"

"I was just thinking about it the other day and the memory seemed a lot more…vivid."

Madge eyes Katniss closely. "Wait…you're blushing…did you and Peeta…? Well did you?!"

Her face must give her away because Madge shoves their plates to the side and leans in towards Katniss. "Tell me everything."

"There's not much to tell. After your wedding, we went to my room to have a few beers and relax. We got into a pillow fight and then somehow, we were kissing and that led to other things."

"Don't skimp on the details, I asked for everything. Was it good?" Madge studies Katniss's expressions and then squeals. "It was! It's written all over your face! So what's the problem?"

It takes a few deep breaths before Katniss can put the thought to words. "He wasn't there when I woke up the next morning."

"Wow," Madge says, an incredulous look on her face. "That's a pretty dick thing to do."

"The thing is, I'm afraid that I deserved it. I think I may have slept with him because you guys are all getting married and soon you'll be having babies with no time for the rest of us…" Her throat constricts at the thought and she has to stop. Madge reaches over and holds her hand. "Then I go and sleep with Peeta, my last single friend. So I told him it was just sex. No big deal."

"Just sex?" Madge asks, a hard edge to her voice, and all Katniss can do is nod. "Was it just sex? To you?"

"I'm not…I'm not sure."

"Okay, you're closer to him than I am. You must've noticed that Peeta doesn't do _just sex_. With anyone. Not given his family's history."

"Please don't make it worse, Madge."

"But you do know that, right?" Madge pushes her friend.

"I wasn't thinking about that at the time! I didn't want things to get awkward between us. Besides, _he_ left the next morning. If it _had _meant something to him, wouldn't he have stayed?"

Madge shakes her head. "Not if he was terrified."

Katniss groans and covers her face. "Are you taking his side in this?"

"No, I'm just trying to help you figure out what the hell happened. When exactly did you tell him it was no big deal?"

"After we were both at home the next night," Katniss tells her drink.

"So you were angry when you said it?"

"Well yeah," Katniss says defensively and Madge gives her a pointed look.

"Okay, before you hopped into bed, did you talk about what you were doing at all?"

Katniss bites her lip at this, "No it just sort of happened. And I fell asleep almost right after so we didn't talk then either."

"Uh-huh," Madge intones. "Look, I don't know exactly why he left. And I can't help you figure out what was going on in your head. But I just think that telling him it was meaningless sex won't preserve your friendship unless that's the truth for both of you. Even then it might not. And maybe, just maybe, you owe it to yourself to figure this all out _before_ you cut him out of your life."

"I told you, it was because—"

"Yeah, yeah, because the rest of us were getting married and process of elimination, you end up with Peeta. I don't believe you'd do something that shitty to him or to yourself."

It sounds so cold that way. Process of elimination. Is that really what she did to them?

_**Aug 2004**_

It's Gale's fifth snide comment of the night that sends her fleeing the house and hiding in the backyard. She didn't lead him on. She swears she didn't lead him on. They're just friends. She wasn't trying to lead him on at all. Sinking down onto one of the swings in the Hawthorne backyard, Katniss squeezes her eyes shut. She will not cry over this. Between the stress of getting ready for college and the mess with her parents, she's cried too much the past eight months. Ever since Prom, Gale had been dropping hints, pushing, teasing. When she'd told him she didn't want a boyfriend right now, that she was still too wound up in her parent's divorce, he'd called her a selfish tease. He kept pushing anyway, so she'd told him she just wasn't into love or marriage. They were silly and frivolous.

That's when the nasty comments in the presence of their friends started.

Gripping the chains of the swing, she pushes off and tries to reclaim some piece of happiness. As she swings, staring up at the starry sky, the screen door opens and slams shut. She tenses until she hears heavy footsteps crossing the yard. Only one of her friends moves that noisily.

"Aren't the stars gorgeous tonight?" He asks as he lowers himself on to the swing next to hers. With a smile, she glances over at Peeta, tries to read his expression in the dark. His ash blond curls appear almost silver in the starlight, his eyes closer to a sapphire blue than their usual sky blue. She finds no trace of pity and for that, she is grateful.

"Why is everything such a mess?" she asks him before turning back to the stars.

"Katniss, I know this isn't what you want to hear, but maybe you and Gale need to stay away from each other. At least until he moves on." She doesn't say anything for a long time, just drinks in the shimmering lights above, the calmness that Peeta brought outside with him.

"We're getting toxic, aren't we? I don't want to make everyone else uncomfortable with our drama. Maybe I should just date him and—"

"Seriously, Katniss? He's being a dick because he's feeling rejected. A real friend would listen to you and leave it the hell alone."

She plants her feet on the ground and looks at him. There's fire in his eyes. She's never seen him like this before. Looking down at the ground, he takes a deep breath before he goes on. "What I mean to say is that if you date him, it shouldn't be because he pressures you or guilts you into it. It should be because you want it. And who cares if everyone else is uncomfortable when you stick up for yourself. They should be uncomfortable because one of their friends is being a jerk to the other."

She reaches out and pulls down the collar of his shirt, already knowing what she'll find, having glimpsed the edges earlier tonight. He flinches, tugging it back up to hide the angry red welt.

"Peeta—"

"It'll be the last time, Katniss. I'm leaving tomorrow."

"She's wrong about you." Peeta scoffs. "She is!"

"Don't change the subject, Everdeen," he turns his smile on her and her lips react before she can stop them.

"Stop it, Peeta. No joking right now."

"Why not? Tomorrow we're all heading off to college and who knows if we'll still be friends at the end of it? Is it so wrong of me to want my last memories with you to be happy ones?"

With a smile, she pushes her swing back into motion. "Then swing with me." They lose track of time, swinging and drinking starlight.

_**May 2014**_

The pub is packed by the time Katniss gets there, and she has to shove her way through the crowd waiting for a table.

"Reservation for Hawthorne Bachelor Party," she tells the hostess.

"And you are?" The hostess rakes her gaze down Katniss's body, making her face red and heated with anger.

"She's the Best Man," a familiar voice says over her right shoulder. Her entire being kicks into high gear and a dull ache blooms between her legs. Is it possible to miss the sound of a voice this much? She closes her eyes to compose herself before turning to face him.

It just isn't fair, she thinks. He looks so good tonight, in cargo shorts and an untucked plaid shirt with the sleeves rolled up, his hair its usual mess of curls. Curls she wants to bury her fingers in and feel brushing against her legs and _shit! _This is not a good start to the night.

He's giving the hostess that flirtatious smile, half crooked and all sensual. Katniss wants to knock her over, then knock the smile off his lips, and then knock the hostess over again. Especially when Peeta doesn't touch her, not even to drape his arm over Katniss's shoulders the way he usually would.

The hostess stands up straighter when she sees Peeta and her entire demeanor changes. Breasts pushed out and a smile on her face. Scratch that, Katniss wants to claw the other woman's eyes out and then proceed to the knocking over.

"Oh, welcome to Ripper's," she checks her list quickly before turning back to Peeta. "Yes, we have your table all ready. Right this way, sir."

"Ugh, could she be any more obvious?" Katniss mumbles. Beside her, Peeta's shoulders shake, letting her know he'd heard her comment.

They follow the hostess to the table and Katniss is busy for a few moments making sure their food and drink orders are squared away before she turns back to Peeta.

She's not prepared for the way her insides scramble at the look he's giving her. There's fear and anxiety and a hefty amount of longing, if she's being honest with herself. "You know, I was thinking," he says, leaning across the table towards her. "Technically, you aren't a bridesmaid for this wedding. You're a Groomsmaid. So this one doesn't count towards your quota. There's still hope for you yet." Her lips twitch against her will. "We could start calling you the Best Maid instead of the Best Man."

"Ha-ha, Mellark. That's cute. Think that up all by yourself?"

He looks away from her and shakes his head. "Finnick came up with the title, but he was too chicken to say it to your face."

"As he should be," Katniss sniffs and tries not to look at his fingers and lips or remember how they felt all over her.

"How've you been, love?" His question is so quiet she almost misses it in the noise of the pub.

"Fine," she answers. She still hasn't sorted through everything she talked about with Madge. "You?"

"Fine," he echoes her. "How'd that date go?"

She can't detect any notes of cruelty or jealousy or anything other than curiosity in his voice. Oh yes, she wants to smack that aloof half smile off his face, climb in his lap and kiss him until neither of them can breathe properly.

Damn it, what is wrong with her?

"Great," she says instead. "I'm seeing him again Thursday." There's a flash of something like anger in his eyes, but it's gone before she can examine it.

"Is he your plus one for the wedding?"

"No. We've only been on one date so far. It's too soon for that," she can't quite meet his eyes anymore. Talking to Peeta about Marvel somehow feels all wrong.

They fall silent until the guests and the man of the hour start arriving a few minutes later. She doesn't get many chances to talk to Peeta after that. Just enough to make sure the party is going smoothly and once when he asks her if she's got her toast ready for the wedding. She shakes her head, "Still working on it."

"Not sticking with the one liner?"

"No," she shakes her head. "I thought you could use it tonight. Unless you've got something else planned."

"I do, but it makes a great opening line. Do you mind?"

"Not at all. I'm offering it to you aren't I?"

She watches him swallow at her words and the dull ache between her thighs roars to life. Swallowing should not be a turn on. But it is.

Shortly after, Peeta calls for everyone's attention.

"A toast to the groom. Gale…It's about damn time." The guests laugh, some pound their fists on the table, and Katniss can't stop her smile. "Some of us here were starting to think you'd never leave the nest. Or at least never wise up to what you have with Leevy. So here's to waking up and realizing you're tired of being a douche. Here's to getting down on one knee." A chorus of cheers goes around the group and the wait staff brings out the dinner.

Peeta makes his way over to her. "How was that?"

"Perfect," she says and her knees wobble a little at the smile he gives her.

Before she leaves for the night, Peeta approaches her once more. "Walk with me a second?"

She nods and falls into step beside him. They're halfway down the street when he finally breaks the silence. "I've been thinking about what happened that night. And I owe you an apology. I've not been a very good friend these past two weeks and for that, I am sorry. We didn't talk much before and I made it so we couldn't after. So it isn't fair of me, the way I've been treating you. I thought, if I stopped acting wounded, maybe we'd have a shot at getting back to where we were before."

Katniss fiddles with the straps of her purse before finally saying, "I'm sorry, too."

"For what? You didn't do anything wrong." She ducks her head, hoping he's right, but still unsure about her motives. "So can we try? Because I have to admit, it's been pretty rough without my friend."

"Same here," she smiles at him finally. The warmth of the smile he gives back to her fills her and relieves some of the tension she's been carrying around for two weeks. "Okay. I'd like that."

He offers his arm, and she links hers through his. It's such a relief having him close again. She'd never truly appreciated just how much contact with him had meant to her before it suddenly disappeared.

_**August 2004**_

With a grunt, Katniss slams the trunk of Madge's new car. She can't help the stab of jealousy that fills her. She'd worked her tail off for the past six years, first babysitting for all the neighborhood kids, then waitressing at Sae's diner, and she'd almost had enough for a new car. Well, a new-to-her car. But then the divorce happened and changed so many things. Her car fund had gone to pay for room and board instead.

Finalized in May, The divorce was still causing problems in her family. Her father had vanished, no phone calls and no child support yet. And while her mother was eager to insist Hunter Everdeen simply hadn't gotten settled into his new life yet, Katniss was ready to pitch the Everdeen name and cut him from every family picture in the house. Her mother said she was being rash. Katniss thought her mother was deluding herself into believing he'd be back.

As an added bonus, there were days when her mother still couldn't pull herself from the darkness. Days when she simply wouldn't get out of bed and one of the girls had to call in sick for her at the hospital. At least the bad days had been happening less often. And Katniss vowed to herself that as soon as they could set aside enough money, she'd find a therapist for her mother. She'd wanted to skip college to do so, but her mother had patently refused, insisted that Katniss's schooling came first.

Katniss reaches out and pulls Prim into a tight embrace. "Take care of yourself Little Duck."

"And Mom, too." Prim whispers against her sister's shoulder.

Without responding, Katniss lets Prim go. "I'll call when I get there. And I'll check in every day."

"There's no need for that," her mother says as she tucks Katniss into a hug. For just a moment, Katniss relaxes in her embrace, allows herself one minute of feeling like a child going off to college. A young woman who will miss her mother and the way she runs her hand over her braid. Like she's doing now.

Then she snaps herself from the dream and pulls away. "Every other day, then."

Spinning around, Katniss climbs into the passenger seat and Madge calls a cheerful farewell to Prim and Katniss's mom. Then she cranks the car and backs out of the driveway.

"You alright?" she asks Katniss as she shifts into drive.

"Maybe. Are you?"

"Maybe," Madge says with a grin.

Katniss's phone pings with a text alert.

_**Peeta: On the road. How about you ladies?**_

_**Katniss: Then you shouldn't be texting.**_

_**Peeta: Stopped for gas, smarty pants. :-p**_

_**Katniss: Better. We just left my place.**_

_**Peeta: How'd Prim and your Mom take it?**_

_**Katniss: Fine. I think. Prim was a little upset I wouldn't let them come with us.**_

"Tell Peeta he needs to stop every few hours to stretch. That's a long drive he's got."

"How do you know I'm texting Peeta?" Katniss asks.

Madge laughs, but doesn't answer.

_**Katniss: Madge is trying to mother you.**_

_**Peeta: Oh?**_

_**Katniss: Stop every few hours to stretch.**_

_**Peeta: Lol. Tell her I will. Text me when you get there, ok?**_

_**Katniss: Same to you**_

Katniss sets her phone down and Madge turns up the radio.

"Let's blow this joint!" she cheers, throwing a grin across the car to a now laughing Katniss.

_**June 2014**_

Having Peeta back feels like such a luxury. She smiles more and laughs at the silly texts he starts sending her again. And although she still thinks and dreams about him in explicit detail, she tells herself that will pass once she sleeps with someone else. He drives down to see her for lunch on his day off, and hugs her when he goes to leave. Katniss's eyes drift shut as she absorbs his warmth and his smell and the flutter of the pulse in his neck against her temple. It feels so incredible that she doesn't want to be the first to pull away.

She's got her friend back…so why isn't she satisfied?

On Thursday night, Katniss digs through her closet looking for her black heels. She never wears them to work, so she figures she ought to at least wear them on a date.

"Found you!" She pulls the box off the top shelf, knocking the bin next to it off the shelf as well and causing a small avalanche of clothes. "Shit!" With a sigh, she bends over to grab the pile and shove it back into the bin. It's mostly old sweaters and things she ought to just get rid of…and Peeta's high school wrestling hoodie. She collapses on the floor of her closet and buries her face in it. After he'd loaned it to her the day she'd found out her parents were getting a divorce, she'd never given it back. He'd never asked.

A thousand and one memories rush through her. And she's laughing and holding back tears all at the same time.

It doesn't smell like him anymore. Stopped smelling like him years ago. All through college, it had been a staple of her lounging clothes. Wearing it was a hug from the giver himself. A reminder she could always count on him. Holding the threadbare fabric, she wishes she was getting ready to go see him instead of her co-worker. She wishes it still smelled of him. And she wishes things had gone differently three weeks ago.

Because it wasn't about feeling lonely or afraid their friends would abandon them. And it wasn't meaningless or process of elimination. It was him.

_What is she doing?_

Katniss stands on shaky legs and puts on a pair of flats, lays the hoodie on her bed and leaves the mess. Then she heads out to meet Marvel and let him know, there won't be any more dates.

_**August 2004**_

It takes them two hours to drive to the next stage of their life.

Once they're checked in, they set to work unloading Madge's car. Out of their group of friends, they're the only two that chose to go to the same university. Gale took an engineering scholarship to Virginia Tech. Thom went to Clemson to study anthropology. Delly chose UVA, for a degree in architecture. Peeta's on his way to Charleston for a degree in art. As for Madge and Katniss, they chose to stay closer to home and go to UNC, Madge for music education and Katniss for environmental sciences.

With suitcases and boxes and one mini fridge scattered in their dorm room, Madge flops onto the unmade bed with a whoop.

"Freedom!" she shouts, waving her arms and legs in a mock snow-angel motion. Katniss smiles.

"So now what, roomie?"

"Now," Madge says with a gleam in her eyes, "we begin the rest of our lives. And we start by getting out of this room tonight." She produces a flyer for the welcome party and Katniss snorts.

"No."

"Yes," Madge draws the word out and ends with a hiss. "Life has been shitty for both of us since December. We change that starting now." Launching herself off the bed, Madge grabs Katniss's shoulders and starts massaging them. "Are you with me roomie?"

"Do I have a choice?"

"No. No you do not. Because I will bring a drunken orgy back here if you don't come with me."

"Gross, Madge. Fine, you win."

With a gleeful smile and a cackle, Madge begins to unpack.

_**June 2014**_

Despite a few awkward moments at work with Marvel, Friday flies by much faster than Katniss would wish. Working only a half-day, she changes at lunch into her khaki shorts, one of Peeta's ratted old t-shirts over a cotton tank top and her hiking boots. They're welcoming the guests at the lodge with a short hike this afternoon. Changed and ready, she climbs in her car, her suitcase for the weekend already in the trunk, and starts the hour long trip to the mountain lodge. As she drives, she nervously massages the steering wheel and instead of figuring out her toast, she tries to vocalize what she wants to say to Peeta when she sees him. After thirty minutes of everything from awful to cheesy to blatantly desperate, she gives up and flips on her music.

Her iPod mocks her, playing "Hey Ya!" four songs into Shuffle All. She glares at the thing and yells. "I know! You don't have to keep sending signs!" First her closet, now her iPod.

Once her car is parked and she's checked into her room, she heads down to the lobby, puts on her most winning smile and starts gathering the guests. Everyone is in high spirits and oblivious to Katniss's nervous behavior. She knows Peeta's in the kitchen, preparing for tomorrow, and won't be joining them, but she still jumps every time she sees a head of blond hair.

"Why so jumpy, brainless?" Johanna asks at one point. Alright, maybe not as oblivious as Katniss had hoped.

"Haven't finished my toast yet," she hedges. Johanna shrugs and turns away, but Madge draws closer.

"Spill it, Everdeen," she says.

"Later," Katniss mumbles. Madge opens her mouth to press for more when Gale calls for everyone's attention.

They strike out for the trails. Katniss is so busy dealing with guests, she doesn't have time to dwell on thoughts of Peeta or to talk to Madge again.

Dinner follows the hike and once she's finally done with her Best Maid duties for the evening, she goes searching for Peeta. She's sweaty and gross with dirt streaked along her arms and legs and probably on her face, but she chose to skip the shower in favor of talking to him as soon as possible. She finds him in the kitchen, joking with the staff and putting the final touches on the cake.

He glances over his shoulder at her as she approaches. "Hey! What do you think?" He straightens and indicates the cake with a flourish. It's a breathtaking three tiers covered in textured white frosting that mimics birch trees, fondant leaves trailing from the top, spiraling down to the base.

"It's incredible. As always." She suppresses the urge to run. "Do you have time? Or should I come back later?"

"Nah, this was the last thing I needed to get done tonight. Everything else is set to go until the morning." Peeta puts the cake in one of the walk-in fridges then unties the apron around his waist, hanging it on a hook. When he turns around and gets a good look at her for the first time since she walked in, he freezes, stares at the shirt she's wearing a moment. "I haven't seen that shirt in years."

"It's been hiding in my closet," she confesses. He shakes his head and turns to call cheerful farewells to his coworkers. Then he takes Katniss's hand and they walk out of the lodge, into the night.

Crickets are chirping. Fireflies flicker here and there. They head towards the pond, where Peeta scoops up a handful of stones and starts skipping them out over the water. "How was your date last night?"

"Not so great."

"No?" He looks over and when she shakes her head, goes on. "I'm sorry to hear that."

"It's okay," Katniss picks up a few stones and joins him. The quiet splashing sounds join the chorus of crickets. "There's someone else I'd rather be seeing."

Peeta's arm jerks, sending the rock splashing and sinking unceremoniously on the first hit. He looks at her and smiles. "I hope it works out better this time."

"Me, too."

"I've been thinking about something you said at the last wedding," Peeta says as he skips another rock, this one successful. "It really is odd how the six of us remained friends. Simply adding to the group by bringing new members home from college. Most people don't get to have something like that. Suppose we're lucky."

She nods, and he continues. "And now we're at the end of the Shakespearian comedy when everybody gets hitched."

"Except for us," she whispers.

"Yeah, except for us," he repeats.

"Does that make us the fools?"

Peeta laughs, tossing his last stone. "Probably."

"Peeta." She says before she loses her nerve. "I need to know. Why didn't you stay that morning?"

He shoves his hands in his pockets and looks at the ground. "Please don't ask me that, sweetheart."

The endearment at the end tips her from apprehensive to angry. "My name is Katniss, Peeta. You didn't have any problem using it when you were balls deep. Why is it that for the last four or five years, all you call me is 'darling,' 'sweetheart,' 'love,' or 'hon?'"

"I know what your name is," his answer is barely a whisper.

"Then why don't you say it?" Katniss hisses, placing her hands on his shoulders and giving him a small shove.

Peeta grabs her wrists and almost shouts back at her, "Because you'll hear too much when I do!" He then drops her wrists like hot coals and takes a step back, shock registering on his face. She's momentarily stunned as well, but summons back her anger. There's still an answer she needs.

"Why didn't you stay, Peeta? I think I deserve to know."

Peeta gulps in air, "A lot of reasons. I didn't know if I'd be welcome. Shit, Katniss, you and Gale almost fell apart over a kiss! I was scared. A coward. And I panicked, alright? Scared it'd destroy us or that you were going to wake up and tell me it had meant nothing. I didn't think I could deal with that."

"Why not?" She swallows thickly, watching him hang his head and shuffle his feet.

When he finally meets her eyes again, she sucks in a breath at the hurt she sees. "Because it wasn't nothing to me. But you obviously don't feel the same. So for the last week, I've been trying to forget it and be a friend to you again. Now I've gone and ruined even that chance."

"You didn't ruin anything," she takes his hands before he can turn and run again. Then she steps closer, slowly, so he doesn't bolt. "I was angry and hurt when you weren't there that morning. And I lied to you."

"Lied? About what, Katniss?"

She smiles at the use of her name, and knows exactly what he meant thinking she'd hear too much in it, the way he somehow softens all the harsh edges until it sounds like a caress, or the whisper of a lover.

"It wasn't just sex for me either." She lifts up on her toes and captures his lips with hers.

He makes one half-hearted attempt to break the kiss, but she grabs hold of his neck and shoulder, refusing to let go. Peeta lets out a muffled moan and then clutches her back, pressing her tighter against his frame until every inch of her is touching part of him. His tongue pushes between her lips and she welcomes it, digging her nails into his skin as he explores the softest and deepest parts of her mouth. His fingers invade her hair, pulling pieces loose from her braid. It's not sweet or gentle. There's no laughter. Just ragged breathing, the lapping of the pond, and heat. Incredible heat. His lips leave hers to burn their way over her cheeks and jaw, down her neck as she pants into the night.

"Katniss," he murmurs against her collarbone. "Katniss, what are we doing?"

She thrills at the sound of her name on his lips again and the feel of his tongue on her heated skin. "Refusing to be the fools."


	3. Spring Green Bows & Midnight Calls

_WARNING: Mentions of child abuse, One brief scene depicting abuse, Mild Sexual Content, Mild Language_

_There will be at least two, maybe three chapters after this one. Chapter four is almost fully drafted, so hopefully I will not be keeping you waiting too long._

_Hugs and thank you's to the three lovely ladies who helped beta this monster of a chapter. To imagobeginsagain for providing valuable insight on some very painful topics as well as being my grammar Nazi. To abbythebear who insists on more feelings, straightens my head when my words start to make no sense, and is the best cheerleader I could hope for. And to arollercoasterthatonlygoesup for policing my comma usage and reminding me to think like a teenager._

* * *

_**August 2004**_

He surveys the dorm room that is now his, boxes piled on the floor next to the desk and two duffle bags full of clothes tossed on the bed. His roommate has already staked out the left half of the room, a dark blue comforter and a poster of a beach claim the space. Peeta's just finished making his own bed when the door opens and a whistling young man with tousled copper hair and sea green eyes saunters in. He's wearing board shorts, a sun-faded t-shirt, and flip flops. With a smile, he holds out his hand.

"Hey, man. Finnick Odair. Surfer, Swimmer, all-around stud and ocean god."

Taking the outstretched hand, Peeta can't help but smile at the guy's irreverent tone. "Peeta Mellark. Definitely not a god."

Finnick laughs. "Hope you don't mind me taking this side."

"Nah," Peeta says, gesturing to the window between the two beds. "Just glad you didn't move the furniture to hog the window."

Peeta's phone rings then, Katniss's name flashing across the screen. With a smile, he answers.

"Hey, you. All settled in?"

"Yep. Madge is dragging me to the welcome party on the quad," she says. He smiles at her indignant tone.

"It'll be great. Try not to kill anyone with that scowl of yours."

"Ha-ha. How about you?"

"Unpacking right now. Block party here is tomorrow night."

"Okay, well have fun and don't get too big of an ego over there."

"What?" He laughs at her words.

"You know, big-time wrestler. Handsome baker. Sensitive artiste. Girls are going to be throwing themselves at your feet."

"You think I'm handsome?" he asks, his heart trips a little, and his mouth stretches into a goofy smile.

"Shut-up, Mellark. Focus. I'm trying to give you a pre-game talk here."

"Right, so what's your advice again?"

"Just be careful," she says.

"Is this a 'don't get herpes' talk? Because I already got a very awkward one of those from Dad today."

"No! God, Peeta!" Then she switches to whispering and chills start running down his spine. "It's a 'be careful with your heart' talk."

"Katniss Everdeen, are you worried I'll get my heart broken here?"

"Yes. No. Maybe," she groans and he can picture her, reclined on her bed, covering her eyes with her arm and scowling at the ceiling in his head. "Ugh! Just be careful, alright?"

"I will. Same goes for you, too."

"Please. Between school and work, I'm not going to have time for dating. Besides, I don't think romance is my thing."

"At least try to enjoy yourself," he pleads. He thinks that if anyone deserves a good time, it's her.

"Sure, listen, I gotta go. Madge is about to attack me with her mascara."

Peeta laughs. "Tell her I said 'Hey,' and call anytime you need, Katniss."

"I will. Hey! No, Madge! Pick another lipstick color besides red. I really have to go or I'm gonna end up wearing shoes I can't walk in and more makeup than I know what to do with." She's laughing, though, so she can't be too upset with Madge.

They say a quick good-bye and Peeta goes back to unpacking, a smile still dancing on his lips.

"Girlfriend?" Finnick's voice comes from across the room.

"What? No!" Peeta says quickly. His cheeks and neck are growing warm and he hastily shoves the stack of shirts into the dresser.

"Just saying, man. That look on your face screams 'girlfriend.' Or at least 'fuck-buddy.'"

"No," Peeta shakes his head. "Just a very good friend."

"Whatever you say, Peet." Finnick settles on his bed with a smirk, and uses a remote to turn on his stereo. "Hope you like The Beach Boys!"

With a shrug, Peeta focuses on his unpacking. The next night, he chats with a lovely blonde who giggles at his jokes and keeps resting her hand on his forearm. And when she programs her number into his phone, he smiles and tries not to think about the feel of Katniss pressed against him at Prom or the dreams he had for weeks after that featured her. Or the way his heart stuttered when she'd called him handsome. He's crushed on her once before; he doesn't need to revisit that road. Katniss is just a friend.

Two days later, he calls the pretty blonde and asks her to meet him for lunch between classes.

_**June 2014**_

Slipping. He's slipping, sliding, falling head first into something he's only dreamed of. "Katniss," he murmurs against her collarbone, his hands sliding up her back beneath _his_ t-shirt that she's wearing, fingers itching to feel more. More. More. She's making those sexy little panting noises that drove him insane three weeks ago. His mind races, keeping pace with his heart. It _meant_ something to her. What? What did it mean? Was this even real? Or was it yet another dream his subconscious drew up to torture him?

"Katniss what are we doing?" He's not entirely sure he spoke the words until she answers.

"Refusing to be the fools."

Peeta stops, lifting his head to gaze at her. Her lips are swollen from their kisses, mouth parted invitingly. Her eyelids droop a little, but she blinks and the haze starts to lift from their depths.

"I'm not sure if I should laugh or cry. You mean that this is about everyone else pairing off, leaving us the last singles. Is that it?"

Katniss blinks again and shakes her head. "I just meant that…I mean I—"

"Why are you kissing me, Katniss? Do you feel sorry for me? For yourself?"

"No," she shakes her head and he notices tears forming at the corners of her eyes. He sighs and lifts a hand to her face. Knowing she's never been good at admitting to feeling anything, he brushes a thumb under her eye as she did for him, catching the tear before it falls.

"Then what is it you want, Katniss? If not just sex - then what?" He makes sure to keep his tone soft this time. She leans into his touch. Then she tightens her hold on his neck, pulling him into a hug. Her lips hover near his ear, puffing out air and he runs his hands over her back, soothing them both.

"I want us."

"Us?" He turns his face into her hair, the loose pieces of her braid dance in the breeze and tease his cheeks. Fighting his mounting frustration at how vague she's being, he keeps his voice deliberately calm. "I need concrete answers, Katniss. You want us to date?"

Katniss nods and leans back in his embrace. Gray meets blue and fireflies still float above the pond, but his world's been tipped upside down.

"Yesterday, I was getting ready for my date with Marvel, and I realized. I didn't want to see him. I wanted to see you. And three weeks ago, I wanted to wake up beside you."

"It could get complicated. Katniss, you and Gale—"

"You're not Gale. And we're not eighteen anymore."

"No," he chuckles. "We're certainly not that."

"I don't want your what-ifs, Peeta. I want you to stay with me tonight. We can just sleep if you prefer, like we used to. Remember that?"

Peeta nods and thumbs her cheek again. "Hard to forget some of the best sleep I've ever had."

"So you'll stay?"

He reaches behind him and grasps her hand, pries it away from his neck, lacing their fingers together.

"Lead the way."

_**October 2004**_

With a groan, Peeta mumbles a string of curse words and Finnick throws a pillow across the room.

"Answer the damn phone, Peet. I'm too fucking hung-over for this."

"Hello," his voice is hoarse and thick.

"Peeta," Katniss's tremulous voice cuts through the fog of interrupted sleep.

"Katniss? What's wrong?"

"I had another nightmare. And I…"

"Hey, it's okay. I'm here. Same one as always?"

"It was so vivid this time."

"Is Madge there?" Slipping his feet into his shoes, he shuffles out into the hall. He heads to one of the common areas so he doesn't bother Finnick with their conversation.

"She is. But she's out cold. Besides, she's got an 8 a.m. test tomorrow." He pulls the phone away from his ear to check the time. It's 2:26 a.m. He doesn't tell her he has an 8 a.m. class tomorrow, too. Instead, he settles on the couch in the common area.

"Tell me about your day," he says.

She takes a deep breath, her exhale rattling into his ear. "It was kinda rough. Dad bought plane tickets for us to go visit him for Christmas. Prim called to tell me and also ask how to fix dinner. Apparently Mom didn't take the news too well and Prim had to take over the cooking. I feel like I should be there instead of here."

"Is that what you really want?"

He listens to her breathing for a while, grabs a pen and some scratch paper someone left on the end table. He's got a good start on a doodle of Prim and Katniss before Katniss speaks.

"I don't know. I mean, I want to be here, but I feel so guilty for wanting that when my family needs me. And everything costs money. I could be at home, working so Mom doesn't have to hold down two jobs. Be there when she slips and help pick up the pieces so Prim doesn't have to do it alone. Then Prim could go to medical school like she wants and everything would be fine."

"Your mom wanted you go to college, though. And you sound like you're trying to convince yourself. Have you talked with Prim about any of this?"

"No. Why would I do that?"

"She's fourteen. You started babysitting when we were what? Twelve?"

"Yeah, I just… I don't want her to have my life."

He doesn't know what to say to that. So he asks about her classes instead, thinking maybe she'll want a change of subject. Katniss starts to tell him about her chemistry and biology classes and the spark in her voice is obvious. He smiles at the sudden change in her tone, the passionate nature he's always loved in her evident as she rambles about organic compounds and designing experiments. It only serves to reaffirm his belief that she deserves a shot at her dreams just as much as Prim does.

At one point, she trails off and he's starting to think she's gone back to sleep when she speaks again. "What about you?"

"Me?"

"Yeah. I really wish you were here right now."

"Miles don't matter to us. I'm right there with you," he tells her and she lets out a light, airy laugh.

"I suppose. How was your day?"

"Same old. Classes, Finnick being a tool. "

"Tell me. Please? Talk to me until I go back to sleep?"

"Okay," he says, and launches into the story of how Finnick tried to microwave some chocolate chip cookies because, "Hey, man. I love warm cookies," and ended up setting off the fire alarm in the dorm hall. At 7:30 in the morning. She laughs a little when he describes their neighbor fleeing the dorm in nothing but a towel and suds in his hair, and by the time he gets to telling her about meeting Finnick's friend, Johanna, and his failed experiments with baking cheese buns in the common area ovens while the three of them knocked back some beer, she's snoring softly in his ear.

"Good night, Katniss," he whispers, hoping she'll wake happy.

_**June 2014**_

She leads them to his room in the lodge first, so he can gather a few things, and then they continue on to hers. They take turns in the bathroom, showering and preparing for bed. When he finishes and returns to the room, she's already in the bed, dressed in pajama shorts and another one of his old t-shirts. _How many of them does she have stashed away_?

He fingers the hem of the shorts he's wearing and she watches him, her gray eyes boring into him. He thinks he sees an expectation. Does she think he's going to run again?

The thought propels him forward. He walks over to the bed and turns off the lamp, then climbs in beside her. She sighs and curls into his arms, one hand and ear on his chest, her leg draped over his. It's familiar, even if they haven't slept this way in a few years. Slowly, his heart calms its frantic pace. By the time her breathing has evened and her leg starts to spasm against his, Peeta has managed to convince himself this won't be such a disaster.

He lets his eyes close and listens as she breathes, smiles when her hand tightens into a fist, pulling on his shirt. And finally, sleep takes him, too.

_**November 2004**_

When he turns down Delly's street, Peeta flips off the CD player, switches to a radio station he knows she likes. The sudden absence of loud, angry music feels deafeningly silent, despite the soft crooning now emanating from the speakers. He rubs a hand behind his left ear, wishing he could wash away his step-mother's words with the simple gesture.

Three months training for a college wrestling team and a growth spurt left him cautiously optimistic that maybe Rachelle would leave him be. Was it possible to outgrow her torture? He's not convinced that his added bulk will keep her away, though. At least he's only home for a week. He wonders if Katniss will ask him to stay the night with her while they're home. He misses the nights spent with her, the comfort of her warm figure pressed to his and the soft, mewling sounds she makes in slumber.

Delly's waiting for him on the porch, bounces over and straight into his hug when he steps from his car.

"Well look at you!"

He laughs. "It's all the coat, I swear."

"Is not," she playfully nudges his arm, skipping over to the passenger side and climbing in.

"You seem excited, Dell," he tells her as she buckles in, bouncing in her seat. He doesn't think he's ever seen her not overflowing with excitement.

"I am! Madge called earlier, said she managed to convince their suite mate to come home with them. I'm hoping maybe for a romance out of this," she trills.

Peeta laughs, "What, you think Madge and Annie?"

"Well why not? It'd be such a cute story to tell. Met as college suite mates. Dreaming about the person on the other side of the wall," she sighs, clutching her hands over her heart. "Katniss could be their maid of honor!"

"Whoa there, Dell," he chuckles. "We haven't even met the girl yet. Don't start planning her wedding until you at least know what her favorite color is."

"Or what kind of cake she likes. Oh! You'd have to make the cake. Wouldn't that be amazing? Hey! Where's your phone?" She clicks off the radio and starts digging in his console.

"Cup holder. Why?"

She finds the phone and flips it open. "Oooo…nice. This is the new one right?" When he nods, she grins. "What speed dial number am I in this one?"

Laughing, Peeta gives her a cheeky grin. "You assume you're even in the speed dial."

"Of course I am! Now spill."

"Why do you need to know?"

"I got a ring tone just for you! Now what number am I?"

"Four."

"Hmmmm. Wonder who number twoooooo is?"

"My daaaad," he imitates her suspicious voice.

"Then who is number threeee?"

"Does it matter?"

"I have a theory. Just looking for confirmation," Delly says with a ribbon of steely determination.

"Okay, well call yourself already. Lemme hear my new ringtone."

Delly wiggles in the seat and Peeta's phone illuminates her face as she dials herself.

"IT'S PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME! PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME! PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME!"

Peeta lets out an exaggerated groan, and Delly laughs. "How did you manage to get that as a ringtone?"

"Thom hooked me up!" She shouts over the blare of the ringtone and dances in her seat. "Oh come on, Peeta, it's funny! And Thom said he'd set yours up, too. As my ringtone."

He smiles at Delly and sneaks glances as she calls her own phone repeatedly, just to hear the ringtone. He doesn't tell her how badly he needed a swallow of her perpetual sunshine. They've been friends since they were in diapers, next door neighbors since birth. In kindergarten, Delly started claiming that Peeta was her brother. In first grade, they'd made their vows of eternal friendship over a batch of peanut butter cookies, and it became their thing. Whenever one of them was down, peanut butter cookies were the immediate solution.

In junior high, she'd told him they were like peanut butter and jelly as they munched on sandwiches of that type. You just couldn't have one without the other. He'd made the mistake of saying, "Peanut butter n' jelly?" with his mouth full of sandwich, and apparently, it sounded like "Peeta butter Delly."

She squealed and declared that was their new code name. All one had to do was announce it was Peeta Butter Delly Time, and the other knew it was time to break out the peanut butter and the cookie sheets. So really, he shouldn't have been surprised by the link she'd sent him a few weeks ago, although he told her the dancing banana was a bit much, she didn't care. It was officially their anthem.

"_This song came out years ago, Peeta! How'd we miss this?"_

"_Really, Delly? With a baseball bat?"_

"_Stop your whining and have fun, butter boy."_

He laughs a little at the memory of their phone conversation after he'd watched the video and the sight of Delly belting out the silly song beside him now, bouncing in his passenger seat.

When they finally reach Thom's house, his smile is firmly in place. He glances in the rearview mirror, to make sure there's no trace of anger or self-pity. Then he follows her around to the back yard. She makes a beeline for Annie, the only stranger in the small group gathered around a roaring bonfire. His stomach twists as he watches Gale offer a marshmallow on a skewer to Katniss.

_Stupid, worthless creature. No one could love you._

He shouldn't feel this way. Gale was once friends with both of them. There's nothing to keep them from finding their way back to that point, as far as he knows. And Katniss is just a friend.

His jaw clenches a moment before he approaches the pair so alike in looks, they could pass for brother and did exactly that one time to prank a substitute teacher in grade school. He catches the tail end of their conversation.

"Peace?" Gale asks.

"I still haven't forgiven you entirely…but yes. Peace." Katniss accepts the marshmallow. And Gale's eyes flit up and land on Peeta.

No signs of malice or jealousy. None of triumph either. Peeta was certain there'd be something else in Gale's eyes other than the welcome of an old friend.

"Hey, Peeta," Gale says simply, sounding as though nothing odd had passed between them seven months ago. "How's it going?"

He nods in answer, unable to unstick the words from his throat. Katniss turns around and waves awkwardly at him, a bright smile on her face.

"Miss me?" he teases, reaching a hand up to lightly tug her braid.

"Don't be so cocky, Mellark." He laughs and drops her braid.

"Well, I missed you, Katniss."

She tilts her head back and smiles at him. "We've got s'mores."

"Then why am I wasting my time on you?" He turns to grab a skewer and marshmallow. As he steps back to stand beside her, she grabs his free hand and drapes his arm across her shoulders. While they roast their marshmallows and listen to Gale talk about his engineering classes and his new girlfriend for a few minutes, she laces their fingers together and tucks their joined hands close to her chin.

"How about you?" Katniss nudges her shoulder into Peeta's ribs. "Didn't you have a hot date last week?"

"Nah," he wrinkles his nose. "Didn't go so hot. She'd apparently been misled. Thought I was a football player."

_No one could love you._

Peeta shakes his head to clear the words as Katniss snorts, suggests a wrestler should be just as good if all she cared about was brawn and muscle. He tries not to let her implication that he's just brawn and no substance hurt. She probably doesn't mean it that way. So he gives her a small smile, hoping the relative darkness hides any pain lurking in his expression.

_**June 2014**_

His alarm blares just off to his right. Beside him, a warm body shifts, pulled from sleep by the noise.

_Katniss._

Pre-dawn lightness seeps through a crack in the curtains and he rolls to turn off the alarm on his phone.

"You stayed," her voice is tinged with sleep and something he almost lets himself believe is happiness. Wrapping his arms back around her, he nuzzles his nose into her hair, notes the wide smile on her face. He wishes he could freeze this moment, duplicate it, and send it back three weeks ago. But he can't. All he can do is make a promise to both of them for the future.

"Always."

She rolls over to face him, her eyes sharp as she watches him. Peeta reaches out and lifts her braid, rubbing it through his fingers.

"Peeta?"

"Mmm-hmmm?"

"Why'd you push away that night?"

He shakes his head in confusion.

"There was this moment during our pillow fight. You had me pinned to the bed. And I was sure you were going to kiss me. But you didn't. Why?"

His lips quirk and his eyes come back to her. "I thought there was no way I could be reading you right. Years of being your friend, I thought I'd finally snapped and started inserting cues I wanted to see instead of what was really there. So I tried to leave before I made a fool of myself."

"You kissed me anyways."

Peeta laughs. "No, _you_ kissed _me_. And there was no ignoring that kiss. And you ripped my shirt off, too," he teases and starts to tickle her sides.

She bats at him with her pillow. "Not with those damn shirt garters, I didn't. Besides, you didn't exactly waste time taking my dress off."

"Hey, who was I to refuse your demands? You have deadly aim with that pillow. Also, I may have been a little drunk. So really, you took advantage of me." He's grinning but feels a twinge of guilt. It wasn't exactly his best moment in terms of self-control. He deflects another blow. "This is how we got in this mess in the first place."

She rears back to smack him again when his phone rings. Reality comes crashing in as he checks the screen, reminds her that he's got to get to the kitchens. Final preparations must be made in time for him to change for their friends' wedding.

_**February 2005**_

"Your mother called me the other day."

Peeta's father may as well have punched him in the gut for the way that sentence makes him feel.

"Peeta?"

"I'm here, Dad. Just," he runs a hand through his hair and ducks into an empty classroom. "Next time, give a guy some warning before dropping a bomb like that."

"Sorry, son. Thought you ought to know she asked about you boys and gave me her number to pass on so you can call her if you want."

Peeta leans against the wall and slides down until he's sitting in the dark. He tries to put a name to the thing he's feeling. Fear, anger, loneliness. And longing.

The longing steers him straight back to anger. She doesn't deserve it. "Thanks, Dad. I don't think I'll be calling her."

"I didn't think so, but I sent the number to your e-mail just in case." Peeta thinks there's a little too much pride and triumph in his father's voice. What is this? Some kind of competition with Angela over who gets his and his brother's affections? Sure, she walked out, but does his father really have the right to sound so smug when he's the one that brought that witch, Rachelle, into their lives? Not to mention the step-mother before her.

He's so angry now, he's shaking. And he rubs at a spot just under his left ear in reflex before he catches himself.

"I gotta get going, Dad. Class in five minutes." It's a lie. He's done for the day, but he doubts his Dad even bothered to look at the class schedule he'd given him before leaving to start the semester.

"Alright, Peeta. Call me when you get a chance."

"Sure thing," Peeta says, knowing he really won't. He rarely calls home, seeks reassurance elsewhere. From people who actually make him feel wanted and sometimes even loved. People who don't make him feel like he's stuck in last place.

With a thud, his head falls back against the wall and he fights the thoughts raging in his head. Flipping the phone in his hand, he contemplates the shit storm his home-life has been since his mother walked out when he was five.

_Mellarks don't cry,_ he remembers his oldest brother telling him the day after it happened, after ten year old Ryan had yelled that it was all Peeta's fault. That she hadn't wanted a third son. So Peeta had ruined everything. He'd been devastated by the words, unwilling to believe them at first. Most of the time, their mother had felt distant, but when she was present…those were memories he cherished.

And then she was gone. Eventually, he'd started thinking that maybe Ryan had been right. Especially after his father started dating again. There were women who thought Peeta was odd, women who ignored him outright, and women who told Peeta that he was a burden to his father.

Then there was the first step-mother, who wanted to send the three Mellark boys to military school. And the second, and current, one who…

Peeta cuts himself off and presses the number three on his phone, holding it down until Katniss's name flashes and the ring tone sounds.

"Hey!" she greets him brightly. His heart lifts and he takes a deep breath.

"Hey," he answers, his voice breaking a little.

"What's wrong, Peeta?"

He's breathing so loudly, he's sure she can hear it. The noise must be annoying, but he can't seem to stop. "It's my mother," he says and tells her about his conversation with his Dad.

She's silent for a long time before finally asking, "Are you going to call her?"

"I don't know. Part of me wants to. Part of me is terrified to do it. What if she hates me?"

"Then she doesn't deserve you," Katniss says vehemently. The anger in her tone stuns him a little.

"There's also a part of me that is afraid I only want to call her to spite my Dad. You should have heard how smug he sounded when I told him I didn't think I'd call. Like he thought he owns me or something. I dunno. It just felt…wrong."

"Do you need me to talk Madge into a trip down there this weekend?"

"No," he says, scrubbing a hand over his face. "No, I know you need to work. I'll be fine. But thanks, Katniss."

"Peeta, we can be there, it isn't a problem."

"I'll be fine," he says more harshly this time. Then he sighs in the silence between them and softens his tone. "Talking to you has helped already."

"Okay. Where are you right now?"

"Sitting in a dark, empty classroom."

Katniss laughs. "You're so dramatic sometimes, Peeta. Alright. I'm sitting right there beside you, okay? And that's my hand in yours. Miles don't matter to us."

Peeta smiles at her use of the words he'd once said to her. "I thought you were half asleep when I said that."

"I was. Doesn't mean it didn't stick."

He stretches his legs out and smiles at the ceiling. "Thanks, Katniss. I needed to hear your voice."

"Well, it is a stunning voice, I'm told."

"You were told right," he says. "How come you stopped singing?"

There's a beat of silence when he thinks maybe she won't answer or that he's pushed too far. Although she may trust him with many things, he long ago accepted that Katniss needs to move at her pace. So he lets her lead.

"I guess because…because my Dad and I used to sing together. And since he left, singing just isn't the same."

"I'm sorry." Peeta counts his heart beats waiting for her to speak again. He's out of words and doesn't know what else to say.

"S'okay. You didn't walk out on me."

"No. But I'd love to hear you sing again. When you're ready," he murmurs. She sighs and he knows they're done talking about this. So he gives her a way out. "But you've got a class starting soon, don't you?"

"Yes. I have to get going or I'll be late. Talk to you soon?"

"Of course. And thanks, Katniss."

"Sure, Peeta. It's what you and I do, after all. Take care of each other."

He smiles and tells her goodbye. After a moment of stillness, he braces his feet on the floor and stands.

_**June 2014**_

She watches while he pulls his shoes on, toying with the edge of the sheet. It had seemed so simple last night, when she'd requested he stay the night. Just to stay. Now he's scared of leaving her room, even though she's wide awake this time. Afraid that walking through that door will break the spell he's lived under the past ten hours. Terrified it's all been a dream. Will she remember all the messed up things living in his head and decide she wants none of it? With a glance back at her, he tries to smile, but it feels forced.

He can see doubt creeping into her gaze as she bites her lip. Last night by the pond had been borderline magical. And then, in her bed, he'd once again found the comfort and peace he's always associated with her. Certainly he'd been tempted to push further, but the promise that this morning could be truly different for them kept his wandering hands at bay.

She opens her mouth to say something but stops.

"Things shouldn't be this awkward the morning after an amazing night of cuddling," he mumbles.

She laughs and drops the sheet. "I know. Maybe we're expecting too much out of ourselves."

"Yeah, maybe," he says, switching to tie his second shoe.

"So what do we tell everyone?" she asks quietly.

"What do you want to tell them?" He responds.

"I think we should wait a little. Give us some time to figure things out without them all breathing down our necks."

He freezes, his laces half-tied. "Alright," his voice sounds distant, even to his own ears.

She scrunches her nose and goes on, "At least until after the wedding. I don't want to steal Gale and Leevy's day."

He finishes his shoe and stands, hoping her reasons are exactly what she says. "I don't either. So not today."

He leans down and kisses her, her lips moving slowly beneath his and stealing his coherent thoughts. Something else about not putting it off forever but he can't remember and his phone vibrates in his pocket.

"I have to get downstairs," he whispers when they finally part. "Save a dance for me?"

She nods and watches as he leaves her room, tossing one last smile her way before shutting the door behind him.

The walk to the kitchen is lonely and feels too much like a walk of shame for his taste.

_**November 2005**_

"Something's bothering you."

Peeta shifts the phone to his cradle it between his shoulder and his ear. He's got to finish his paper for English, but this is the third time Delly has called in an hour.

"Why is this so important right now?"

"I knew it!"

"Dell, I'm fine."

"You sent me unsolicited peanut butter cookies and are avoiding my questions. You are not fine."

Peeta heaves a sigh. He should have just eaten those cookies, but he'd made so many that even after giving a full Tupperware to Johanna, one to Finnick, another to his biology study group, and saving one for himself, he'd still had a ton left over. So he'd mailed a box to Delly.

"Stop lying to me, Peeta. I will get in my car now and skip my classes tomorrow."

"Dell, it's nothing. Just stressed from classes is all. I took on a heavier load this semester." And his Dad is pressuring him to come home for Thanksgiving instead of accepting Finnick's invitation to spend the holiday with him and his family. And he really doesn't want to go home. Not after spending all summer avoiding the house and Rachelle's wrath. He'd escaped the usual treatment, but her words could damage as much as her fists.

"I still don't believe you, Peeta." Delly sighs. "You'd tell me if anything was really wrong, wouldn't you?"

"Hey, it's still me. Peeta Butter Delly pals forever, remember?"

She chuckles a little and his body relaxes. "I know. I just worry about you that far south all by yourself."

"Uh…not exactly alone here," he says with a sardonic look at Finnick, who's got headphones on, lounging on his bed, knees bent with one leg resting on the other, bouncing it to the rhythm of his music.

"Finnick doesn't count until I give him my blessing as part of this friendship pact."

"Oh, you have to approve my friends?"

"Our friends, and yes. There's a lengthy application and interview process. Gale barely passed. Madge was almost immediately accepted. Thom…well, he proved himself eventually. Annie is pending approval…"

"What about Katniss?"

"Oh, she's got a special classification. She's your future wife."

Peeta chokes and sputters. "What? Dell, no. We talked about your lousy attempts at matchmaking."

"Oh yes, don't think I haven't noticed the way you've been looking at her. Plus, she's speed dial three."

"Been there, crushed on her, not doing it again," he reminds her.

"That's the thing, butter boy. I don't think it's just a crush this time. And you just admitted the speed dial thing."

Peeta's face is overheated, but he's not about to concede to Delly that Katniss is in fact speed-dial three. Or the fact that their late night calls have picked up in frequency over the last year. Nor would he ever admit to his perpetually scheming friend that they sometimes share a bed…strictly platonically, of course.

"While I've got you on the phone, think you could help me with something?"

Grateful for the change in topic, Peeta agrees immediately and tries to focus on her words instead of the way his heart is thudding in his chest.

_**June 2014**_

Katniss and Peeta stand beside Gale with Jones, his friend from grad school, between them. Peeta's itching to dance with her, to feel her in his arms again. He wants to reach out and finger the tail of the ribbon tied around the waist of her spring green dress, twirl a lock of her hair that's in a pile of curls on top of her head. She's wearing her hiking boots again, although she obviously cleaned them up since yesterday. He'd smiled and teased her about it, and she'd responded by sticking her tongue out at him.

"At least I won't fall on my face, Mellark," she'd said and he'd tried not to read too much into the use of his last name instead of his first. Is it too soon to be having doubts about her feelings for him?

During the reception, Jones elbows Peeta. "Hey, Katniss is single, right?"

"What?" Peeta asks, caught off guard by the question.

"I asked Gale but he pretty much told me to stay the hell away. He's got a big brother complex when it comes to her, doesn't he?"

Peeta nods, because that's the truth. Even after Katniss and Gale made peace, Gale had continued to hover over her, warding off several interested young men, including Peeta, to a certain degree. His tongue is tied and he doesn't know how to answer. Jones is eyeing Katniss's ass and Peeta fights the urge to punch him. The last thing he wants is for this dude to hit on Katniss. They aren't a couple, though, at least not publicly. He's still not entirely sure what they are. So what's he supposed to say? He shrugs and tries to look like he doesn't really care.

"I don't know. She's pretty private about her dating life. There could very well be someone."

"Yeah, man, but you're her best friend, right? Other than Gale? She'd tell one of you. So if she hasn't, she's fair game. And even in friend-zone, you gotta admit, those legs and that ass are fantastic." Again he elbows Peeta, who's trying not to cause a scene, before he walks off towards Katniss. "Wish me luck."

Peeta stays put, clenching and unclenching his fists. He's pretty sure Gale won't appreciate him breaking the arm of his friend at his wedding, even if it is to protect Katniss.

Keeping an eye on Katniss and Jones, Peeta mingles with the guests, then takes a few minutes to catch up with Thom and his boyfriend, Alex. When Katniss starts to shift on her feet, eyes darting around like she's looking for an escape route, he excuses himself from Gale's grandparents.

Finnick beats him there, extending a hand and pulling Katniss onto the dance floor with a smile and a laughing comment to Jones. Peeta relaxes and lets out a sigh. A gentle hand comes to rest on his shoulder.

"She can take care of herself, you know."

"I know, Annie," he looks over and smiles at her. "So why did you send Finnick in to the rescue?"

She sips from her drink and grins at him. "Same reason you were about to charge over there like an enraged bull. To make her escape from a sticky situation easier." Then she places her empty glass on a nearby table and takes his hand. "Since my fiancé is occupied, would you mind dancing with me?"

Peeta sweeps into a deep bow before her. "Not at all, my lady."

It's a carefree few moments as he dances with Annie, listening to her vent about plans for her own upcoming wedding and the drama her sisters are causing. He lends a sympathetic ear and gets her to laugh a few times.

And he doesn't check on Katniss, not once.

_**March 2006**_

It takes an hour long pep talk and a brisk run around campus to remind himself that he can do this. He briefly thinks of calling Katniss first, but thinks she may talk him out of it, given the current state of her relationship with her Dad. He's already sent a text to tell her he wanted to talk when she got the chance, but she was working late tonight and wouldn't be able to call until her shift ended.

Thanksgiving had been bad. Christmas was worse. He'd finished winter break with a bump on the back of his head and a feeling of hopelessness. Peeta's dad kept insisting he come home for school breaks, but spent more time locked in his bedroom with Rachelle than he did talking to Peeta. They worked together at the bakery, but Peeta was usually up front while his father worked in the kitchen. Katniss had been off visiting her dad for both holidays, Delly had gone to visit her current boyfriend's family for Christmas. He's told no one about the hit he took to the skull. Now he's facing spring break and more pressure from his father to return home, work a few shifts in the bakery. He's already made plans to make the trip to Katniss's school to keep her company while she works over her own spring break, and doesn't want to cancel those plans.

His mother's number has been burning holes in his brain and his inbox for over a year now. Unable to figure out the motives behind any of his father's actions for the previous several years, he's started to wonder if answers from the past might explain some things. There's also a part of him that is morbidly desperate to know her side of what happened fifteen years ago.

"I can always hang up and never call her again," he tells the empty room before dialing her number.

On the third ring, she answers. And her voice sounds nothing like the uncertain, sometimes sad one in his memories.

"Mom?" He chokes out the word, hit with a hundred might-have-beens.

"Peeta? Honey-bear is that you?" He's thrown for a moment. First, by the silly nickname she gave him because of the color of his hair as a kid. Then because how could she know his voice after almost fifteen years and puberty?

"How'd you…?"

"Well, you aren't Ry, and Will told me in no uncertain terms to stay the hell away from all of you, so…"

"Funny, Will didn't share that with anyone." He can hear her deep inhale and feels a little sorry for his harsh tone, before he remembers that she walked out on her children.

"I'm so glad you called, Peeta. I understand it might not have been easy for you."

Anger and hurt stampede through his heart. "You've got no idea what a mess you left behind."

She's silent a moment. "No, I don't. And I have no right to ask anything of you or your brothers. Peeta, darling, I had no hopes of ever getting the chance to talk to you. If all I get is five minutes of hearing your voice, I'll take it, even if you're yelling at me."

Reigning in his temper, Peeta clenches a fist. "I'm not going to yell at you. But why wait until now?"

"I'm not proud of it. It took me a long time to get myself together after I left, and then, your father had remarried. For one, I didn't think any of you would need me or miss me. And I felt I didn't have a claim to any of you boys or to a place in the family, so I stayed away. At least until you were all adults and could make your own choices about me."

"I've been an adult two years now. Dad said you called him last January. If you'd wanted to be part of our family again, why didn't you fight for that?"

"Because I'm the one that walked out. I had nothing to stand on, Peeta." She sighs into the silence that statement creates and continues. "It was selfish of me to leave the way I did, and my only excuse is that, at the time, I saw no other way."

"Did you know that Ryan blamed me for you leaving?" Peeta knows it's a little cruel and unfair to hit her with this question, but some deep part of him wants her to feel a small portion of the hurt he feels.

"Ryan was, understandably, very angry with me, and took it out on you."

"So you know he did that? He told you?" Peeta cringes at how hurt he sounds in this moment.

"Yes, and I've been trying to convince him he needs to mend that fence with you. Regrettably, though, my word carries very little weight. Peeta, Honey-bear, you need to know that he's wrong. My reasons for leaving had nothing to do with you or your brothers."

Her answer placates him a little and he swallows back the sudden tightness in his throat.

"I'm not sure I can believe anything you say to me."

"I know. Please, think about what I said, and if you want to talk more, you can call me anytime. If you don't wish to speak to me again, I'll understand and respect that wish."

He nods, starting to think this may be too painful to do again when she asks something he didn't expect.

"Does your father know you're calling me?"

"Does it matter?" His question is met with a few heartbeats of silence.

"I suppose not. It's selfish of me really, but I guess I didn't want him to have a chance to poison your opinion of me. I've done enough to that end on my own."

Peeta doesn't disagree.

"I'll let you go, now, Honey-bear. I'm so glad you called me."

He tells her good-bye and curls up on his bed until Finnick comes home from class and offers to take him out for a night of revelry. For once, Peeta puts up zero resistance.

_**June 2014**_

It's a bit of a surprise when Finnick interrupts Peeta's dance with Annie. "Shall we trade, Peeta?" He's grinning mischievously and winks as he snatches Annie's hand, replacing it with Katniss's and somehow twirling both ladies to complete the trade.

"Ugh that guy was driving me nuts. So glad Finnick cut in," Katniss says as her left hand settles on his shoulder, and her right hand molds to his left. He rests his other hand on her hip and tugs her closer to him.

"I am, too. I was about to show my colors as a jealous boyfriend."

"Jealous? Boyfriend?" Katniss asks, a gleam in her eyes, and Peeta mentally kicks himself. Too fast.

"Well, jealous partner or friend may—"

She laughs at his flustered reaction. "I'm teasing, Peeta. We did say we'd be dating after this wedding."

"I guess I'm just confused about the rules."

"We can make our own. And I declare that you can call yourself my boyfriend. If I can call myself your girlfriend."

He grins at her, his blood singing through his veins. "It's a start, right?" His head drops down towards hers and she turns her head aside. He stops, realizing what he was about to do. "But not to anyone besides ourselves," he whispers, keeping the smile firmly on his lips for everyone around them as he pulls away, puts some space between them.

She nods. "I just don't want them all analyzing us."

"They're going to do that no matter when we tell them, if we even do," he mutters.

"Madge already knows. Kind of."

"Kind of?"

She fidgets in his arms as they turn around the floor. "She knows about what happened after her and Johanna's wedding. And that we're friends again."

He nods a little and looks over to where Madge and Johanna stand holding hands and chatting with a group of Leevy's friends.

"Does Delly know?"

Peeta laughs. "Are you kidding? For years now, Delly's been dropping hints. Hints that were anything but subtle, implying that I should ask you out. When you broke up with Cato last year, she started naming our future children. She'd be the worst of the lot."

Katniss looks down at her shoes for a moment before looking back up at him. "So she doesn't know about that first night?" Peeta shakes his head and Katniss sighs. "That must have been lonely, carrying that around with no one to talk to. I thought for sure you'd have at least confided in Delly."

He shrugs. "Used to it, I guess."

She shakes her head and eyes him. "Why do you do this to yourself? You should know by now that you can trust us. Me, Delly, and all the others. Not even your mother knows?"

He shakes his head and she groans.

"Why do you always try to carry everything alone?"

Peeta looks down his nose at her. "Well hello, nice to meet you pot. I'm kettle. And I do not _always _carry everything alone."

"Yes, you do," she argues. "You really want me to list the things you kept to yourself until it was almost too late?"

The song ends and he lets her go. "And yet, you're asking me to keep us a secret. Now you want me to confide in someone about us, too? Make up your mind, Katniss."

Her eyes narrow at him. Then she abruptly changes the subject. "We need to go get ready for the cake cutting."

_**May 2006**_

At a corner booth in a local diner, Peeta sits, bouncing his foot in agitation. He's not even sure she'll be here. He looks down at the black sketch book in front of him. Flips the cover open, stares unseeing at the charcoal swirls for a moment before snapping the cover shut.

After two months of phone calls and e-mails, he took a leap of faith and asked his mother if she was willing to meet him for lunch near his school. As of yet, he hasn't had the courage to ask for her side of what happened fifteen years ago. Maybe today.

Once again, he thinks of calling Katniss or Delly for a bit of courage. Instead, he clasps his hands together and resumes tapping his heel. Neither of them knows he's meeting his mother today or even how frequently he's been in contact with her. He'd rather not try to explain when he's so close to bolting.

The door to the diner opens to admit a hesitant blonde woman. Her honey hair is pulled into a simple knot at the nape of her neck and is starting to gray in areas. She stops just inside the door and adjusts the strap of the messenger bag slung over her shoulder before looking around the diner. When her gaze lands on Peeta, her mouth curves into a smile, but he can still see the fear in her eyes.

Rising from the booth, he stands perfectly still as Angela walks towards him. Her brown eyes rove over him, a slight sheen of unshed tears gathering and her smile widens to reveal her teeth.

"Hello, Peeta."

"Hello, Mother," he motions towards the booth. "Have a seat?" His voice sounds a little rough and he clears his throat while she settles in the booth. He slides into the seat across from her and folds his hands on top of his sketchbook, plants his feet on the red and grey tiled floor.

For long moments, she just sits there, looking at him. Finally, she reaches out and picks up a menu. "Forgive me for staring. I just can't get over how you've grown."

"Well, it's been a few years," he says, picking up a menu of his own, although he already knows what he'll be ordering. That's when he notices the plain gold band on her left hand. His middle flips over and his hands shake a little. "You didn't mention that you were married."

His mother eyes him over her menu, then places it flat on the table, very carefully smoothing the laminated surface.

"I thought I should see what place you would allow me in your life before complicating things with my own."

"Does he know?"

"That I left behind three children when your father and I divorced? Yes, she knows."

Meeting her gaze, Peeta takes in the look of challenge blazing in her eyes, the way she holds her mouth firm. But he also sees the fear, the slight tremor in her right arm. And he finds a smile for his mother.

"Maybe one day, we'll be ready for me to meet her." Angela closes her eyes briefly and nods before looking back at Peeta, warmth now shining in her gaze and she lifts her menu once again. "Was that why you left? To be with her? Or was it more complicated?"

She laughs a little bitterly. "Oh, it was a little more complicated than that."

The waiter arrives then to pour water and take their order. Peeta shifts his sketch book a little while his mother places her order. He isn't sure exactly why he brought it with him. Some part of him thought maybe…

"Do you draw?"

He lifts his eyes to hers at the question and slowly nods. Angela smiles and blinks back a few tears. Tapping a quiet, steady rhythm on the smooth, black cover, he weighs his options and the risks. Everything about their relationship is a risk, really. The question is, can he afford the plunge?

"We used to spend afternoons drawing," he says. "We called them Art Afternoons. Remember those?"

"Yes!" The word is strangled and full of emotion. "I…I've missed those." He's sent back a decade and a half to one of the few things he and his mother shared, just for them. Afternoons when his brothers were still in school and if Mom was feeling okay, they'd sit at the kitchen table, light pouring in through the bay window while they drew. Wily cats, happy dogs, plump pigs, birds, their family. Sometimes Delly would join them and his mother would serve milk and cookies, cheese and crackers, fresh strawberries, or apple slices. Those afternoons were some of his favorite childhood memories.

After she'd left, Peeta kept drawing, stockpiling the pages for the day she came back, so he could show her. Unlike Will and Ryan, he'd held fast to the belief that she'd come back one day, telling Delly and Madge, his only friends at the time, that she was on a long vacation. And when she finally returned, she'd give him that strange, sad smile of hers and call him "Honey-bear." He'd been the only one with dark honey curls like hers. Eventually, they'd lightened out to their current ash color, closer to that of his brothers. And even though he gave up on waiting for his mother, he continued to draw.

He fingers the edges of his sketch book and watches her carefully.

"Why'd you leave?"

Her eyes dart back down to the sketch book and her lips curl into a smile. "You were always more like me than your father." Then she sighs and takes a sip of her water. "As you can probably imagine, things were not easy for me in high school. There were many aspects of who I am that I kept hidden, or denied for a very long time. Your father…well, there's no other way to say it but that he was a ladies' man. A lot of girls dated him and there were whispers, rumors. I thought if anyone could change the way I was, it would be Bram Mellark. It was a misguided notion. Completely foolish. But I was at the end of a very short rope, desperate. And although it was not my plan, I ended up pregnant with Will."

She drops her head a moment. "I am ashamed of much that I did, but I loved Will. The moment he was placed in my arms. You know that community, though. So your father and I were married, and it was something neither of us wanted. But he was an involved father, and he loved Will, too. Ryan followed shortly after. But your father never loved me. And I never loved him."

"Then why stay together so long?" Peeta's mind skips through time, trying to tie together the threads of her story. There's a five year gap between Ryan and him. "Why try that hard to keep something that wasn't real?"

"At first, it was because of your brothers. I suppose it was inevitable, that your father would find someone else. As far as I know, he never cheated, though."

Peeta takes a sip of his own water and watches her. "So he asked for a divorce?"

"Oh no," his mother quirks her lips in a sardonic smile. "The woman he was in love with married someone else. I didn't know her too well, but on the surface, it appeared that she was very much in love with the man she married, and not your father."

"You still haven't explained why you left." He catches himself bouncing his foot impatiently and tries to swallow back the growing hope that maybe she had wanted him, after all.

"I'm getting there, Honey-Bear. Your father got rather drunk the night of her wedding. And nine months later, you were born. I suppose that I was trying to make one last effort. To keep together our family, our marriage. And I adored you, as I did your brothers. You made it nearly impossible for me to leave. The thing is, the longer I stayed, the harder it was for me to breathe. I felt like I was drowning with your father. Eventually, I just couldn't do it anymore. I told your father that I wanted a divorce, we fought, and he told me that no court would give me the right to custody after he told them what I was."

"He knew? And he threatened you?" Anger surges up in him as he thinks of his friends, Madge and Thom. Of all the things they've dealt with. Still deal with. He imagines it must have been far worse for his mother.

"Well, to be fair, he was doing what he thought was best for you boys. And he was angry about a lot of things, many of which had nothing to do with me, but I suppose on some level, he felt that I had deceived him or trapped him."

Peeta stares down at the table top, clenching his teeth and trying not to yell. All his life, he'd painted his mother as the villain. Now he's questioning that.

"So I left without a fight, scared and depressed, but believing it was better for all of us. What did he tell you about my leaving?"

"That you didn't love him."

"So at least he told the truth," she says this gently. And Peeta cannot believe that she's defending Bram Mellark in this moment.

"Not all of it, apparently. Are you telling the truth right now?"

Angela reaches out and takes his hand in hers, squeezing until he looks up. "I am telling you the truth as I know it. I don't expect you to believe a word I've said."

They stare into one another's eyes long moments. She said he was like her. He knows what she meant – not just the art, but the lies, the manipulations, the secrets kept to keep yourself safe and sane. The question is…is she lying now?

He searches for a weak spot, and finding none, places his palm flat on the sketch book, leaving his other hand cocooned in hers. Then he slides the book across the table towards her.

_**June 2014**_

They stick around until the cleanup is done. Since he works there, he's expected to. She stays because she's the Best Maid. And because she wants him by her side again tonight, despite their tense conversation earlier. She'd already whispered the request to him and he'd nodded in agreement. Once again, they're the last guests at the party, having sent Leevy's bridesmaids off with a smile and assurance that they could take care of the rest. Hazelle Hawthorne bids them goodnight while they finish stacking the last of the folding tables.

When they have the pavilion to themselves, Katniss moves closer to him and nudges him.

"Ready to escape?"

"Yeah."

Closeted once more in her room, Katniss starts to fiddle with the skirt of her dress. "I don't want to be a burden."

Peeta stuffs his hands in his pockets and leans against the door. They've been a couple for a little over twenty-four hours and they've already had two fights. It's not a good start.

She sighs at his silence and sits on the edge of the bed, working her boots off as she continues. "You know I'm not great with words. I just meant that you kept so much to yourself when we were younger. And I don't want to be the secret that destroys you."

Pushing himself off the door, Peeta moves to sit next to her, takes one of her hands in his, halting her motions.

"You aren't exactly a secret, Katniss. I may not have told anyone about what happened at Johanna and Madge's wedding. But I'm pretty sure they all know how crazy I am about you."

"How did I miss this, then?"

Peeta chuckles, "Probably the same way you missed Gale's interest in high school." She pulls her hand free and gives his shoulder a playful shove before she returns to removing her boots.

He stands and starts to loosen his tie, but Katniss's next words stop him. "Join me in the shower?"

His mind scrambles as it screams conflicting answers. Dropping the tie over the back of a chair, he considers her offer for a long moment. When he finally answers, his voice is soft and sounds uncertain even to his own ears. "I don't know if that's a good idea."

Her face screws into a look he's not used to having directed at him. A battle between hurt and anger rages and he takes a few quick steps back to her, taking her hands in his.

"It's just, we agreed to take things slow. At our pace, to make it not be about just sex. And I don't want to tempt myself again."

"Oh."

"Could we maybe stick to another night of amazing cuddling?"

The smile she gives him is soft and welcoming. "Yeah. You want to shower first then?"

He leans down and presses a kiss to her forehead. Katniss leans into the touch as he whispers a negative and tells her to go first.

Once they're both showered and in bed, Peeta turns out the lights as Katniss settles into his embrace.

"It's because of her, isn't it?" She asks the darkness.

He pulls in a deep breath and takes a moment to control his voice. Talking about Rachelle doesn't hurt as much anymore. It had once stung, an open sore he'd tried to keep covered only to have it rubbed raw. Now…it's a dull ache. Still there.

"It probably is," he whispers. Katniss's breathing has started to slow by the time he finds his voice to say the rest. "I just don't want to be like my Dad."

Katniss shifts and lifts her head. He can't really see her eyes, just the faint silhouette of her as she stares at him and realizes how that must have sounded.

"He rushed into three different marriages, Katniss. All of them started with sex or lust, sometimes both. What I feel for you, it's more than that. But I have a weakness when it comes to you. I need to be sure we aren't pushing this. I need us both to be sure." Somehow, saying it in the dark is easier than when he can see her gaze piercing through him.

She slides up his body, her lips finding his. Gentle pressure and soft breath. Her hand glides over his chest and up his neck to cup his cheek. Curling his fingers around her hip, he pulls her tighter as she releases his mouth.

"Okay," she whispers and tucks her head back down on his shoulder.

_**May 2006**_

Before climbing out of his car, Peeta sends a text to his mother, letting her know he got home safe. She answers almost immediately, wishing him a happy summer and reminding him that he can call whenever he wants. Peeta smiles and tucks the phone in his pocket.

His father comes out of the house, a wide grin on his face.

"You should tell someone," Katniss once admonished him. He'd brushed it off, but now he's thinking that maybe she was right. Maybe he's not given his Dad enough credit. Having mended fences with his mother, he's started thinking about trying to make things better between him and his Dad. That starts with telling his Dad the truth.

Climbing out of his car, he returns the smile.

"Hey there, son," his father booms as he pulls him into a hug. Peeta can't help the piece of him that soars, thinking maybe it'll be alright. They unload Peeta's car and settle in the kitchen with a snack. Peeta fills his Dad in on classes, his Dad does the same about business at the bakery. "You planning on helping out while you're here or just catching up on sleep?"

"It's three months, Dad, I think I can cover plenty of shifts at the bakery. But I wouldn't mind the chance to catch up on the sleep, either."

"Say no more, I'll throw you on the schedule. What about Katniss and the others? Anyone else home already?"

"Madge and Katniss, Thom comes home tomorrow and Delly next week. Gale got an internship for the summer."

"Any big plans or you gonna be hanging around the house most of the time?"

His Dad sounds almost disappointed at the prospect that Peeta might be spending time at the house and Peeta's heart sinks. He had planned on spending most of his free time with his friends, mainly to keep himself away from Rachelle. But then his Dad had practically begged him not to fill up his schedule, claiming he felt like Peeta was ignoring him, what with how little he came home or bothered to call. At first, Peeta had felt heartened at the thought of spending real time with his dad, something they hadn't done since before Rachelle came crashing into their lives five years ago. Having a pretty good idea what's changed since they last spoke about Peeta's summer plans, he wants to slump in his seat and hide. But no, he made a promise to himself to talk to his Dad.

He gathers his courage and launches into the truth. "I don't really want to be here with Rachelle either, Dad. She used to hit me. A lot. Still does sometimes and also says the most hurtful things to—"

"She's trying to maintain discipline and order," his father cuts him off. "You boys haven't had much of a mother and I'm sorry about that. But Rachelle is doing what's best for this family."

"By leaving bruises?" Peeta snaps. "Or how about this scar?" He points to the line running under his left ear.

Bram sighs, "I know she can be harsh, but I think you're exaggerating. Maybe even lying. Plenty of wrestlers get bruises or scars."

"Why would I lie to you about this, Dad? Or how about all the times she's called me 'stupid' and 'worthless?'"

"Well, Rachelle seems to think you hate her. And let's face it, you didn't exactly welcome her with open arms."

"You told me you were married to her as she was moving into our house, Dad."

"Well, it was a spur of the moment thing, son. Love can do that, you know." He has the audacity to smile. Oh yes, Peeta is certain now that Rachelle is in full control mode.

Peeta turns away, biting back his comment that his father clearly only ever thinks with his dick and whatever he and Rachelle have, it sure as hell isn't love.

"Maybe you should see someone about this chronic lying problem," his father breaks the silence.

"What?" Is all Peeta can manage to sputter.

"Rachelle has told me about you sneaking out of the house at night. Says you used to do it all the time. Is that true?" Bram eyes Peeta, and he knows he's stuck. How'd she find out about that? All those nights spent with Katniss instead of in his own bed, so he wouldn't have to listen to his father fuck his step-mother. He thought he'd been so good about covering his tracks, always being back in his bed by the time his alarm went off at 6:30 for wrestling practice, long before Rachelle would wake. And his Dad had never once checked on Peeta before heading out to the bakery.

Glaring at his father and fighting back tears, Peeta drops his dishes in the sink. "I knew you wouldn't believe me. But Katniss thought I was wrong about you. That I should trust you anyway. And the sad thing is, for a few minutes, I thought you'd actually trust me, too. I'm not seeing a shrink for Rachelle because I am not lying about her."

Peeta marches from the kitchen and towards the stairs, ignoring his father's attempts to talk him down. He walks past Rachelle in the entryway as she shuts the front door, a grocery bag in her arms, not even sparing her a glance. She'll berate him later no matter what he does, so why bother faking anymore?

Pacing his room, he debates where he can escape to. He hates to interrupt Katniss and Delly's reunions with their own families. He's just about decided to leave and drive, figure out a destination later when the yelling starts in the next room over. It's the usual litany of complaints against Peeta and Bram himself. He could endure it better if his father defended both himself and his son to Rachelle, but his shouted answers are only excuses for his own actions. Not for his son.

Then the yelling stops. Something crashes against the wall separating their rooms and Peeta flinches, dreading what will undoubtedly come next. A few moments later, the moaning begins, followed by the rhythmic banging of the headboard.

Peeta wants to scream. She does this to remind them both who's got control. She'll go weeks giving Bram the cold shoulder and then without any discernible warning, the fuck-fest starts. She uses sex to control and manipulate his father. Loudly, to remind Peeta who's actually got his father's trust. His blood is boiling and he wants to throw things at the wall. To tell them to stop fucking just for him to hear. But he can't, so he turns his music on, shoves his earbuds in and pretends he's somewhere else. Once his heart rate slows a little, he pulls a sketch pad out and starts drawing. A bird in flight, a bonfire surrounded by friends, and Katniss smiling at him. The urge to call her is overwhelming, but he knows she's booked the day with Prim. So he sends a text.

_Made it to the house alive_

There's no response, so he runs through the names of his friends, debating who to call, who to trust. But he decides it'd be too hard explaining this to any of them, especially after he's kept it all a secret out of shame for so long.

When Katniss had figured things out on her own, he'd felt so relieved. He didn't have to explain, she just knew, and understood. She didn't push him to talk about it, just held him tighter when they hugged. And he's almost convinced that there were some nights she asked him to stay over at her house not because she needed comforting, but because she thought he might. She was usually right. He never once turned her down either.

But since he's unsure who else could help him through this, he continues drawing and works out a plan for avoiding both his father and his step-mother for the rest of the week. The rest of the summer, maybe.

It works for a few weeks. He takes every shift he can get at the bakery, barely speaking to his father while they share the space. On his days off, he spends time with his friends, or tells his father that's where he is while he sits under a willow tree in the park and draws. Sometimes he calls his mother from under that tree, but he isn't sure how to explain his life at home to her. He thinks she'd care, but what could she do about it?

Nothing. He does nothing. Stalled out when his father didn't even believe him.

It's close to midnight when he returns home one night from hanging out with Katniss and Madge. He isn't expecting to see Rachelle awake, so when she steps into the hall from the living room, he jumps. She smirks, and waves a sheaf of papers at him.

"Care to explain this?"

He's fed up and tired. There's no other explanation for what he says to her. "They make paper from trees, last I checked."

She lashes out, the paper slicing into his cheek.

"I mean the phone calls between you and the slut that brought your miserable ass into this world."

Placing a hand over the cuts, Peeta pushes past her and heads for the stairs, intending to lock himself in his room. She follows, yelling. But he blocks her out and wonders how dense he had to be to think one of them, his father or Rachelle, wouldn't look at the call activity on his line.

"Answer me, you ungrateful brat!" She screeches as they reach his door. He whirls to face her and doesn't try to hide the loathing on his face.

"No." He slams the door in her face before she can react and locks it, steps back as she pounds on the panel and continues throwing slurs at him, his mother, and even his father.

Nothing is going to change, he realizes.

He fumbles to retrieve his phone from his pocket and dials Delly, hoping she's home from her date. No answer. So he grabs a duffle and starts shoving clothes and his art supplies in it while he dials Katniss.

"Hey, Peeta. Can't even wait twenty minutes to hear my voice again? What is that racket?" Her tone as she asks the second question is a lot darker.

"Rachelle," he whispers. "She looked at my phone records. She knows about Mom."

"I'm on my way over."

"No. I'm gonna wait until she's done screaming, then I'm leaving. I'm locked in my room and packing a bag now."

"Peeta," she starts.

"You don't need to come over here, okay. But can I stay at your place tonight?"

"Always," she answers, and some of the tension leaves Peeta's body. "Did she touch you?"

"Just a scratch this time," he says, glancing up at the door as it trembles under the onslaught of her fists.

"THIS time?!" Katniss lets out a string of curse words and tells him she'll call him right back.

Slumping on his bed, Peeta stares at the phone in his hands, waiting for the screaming to stop or the phone to ring with the chorus of "Hey Ya!" Usually, Rachelle wears herself out after five or ten minutes. Not tonight. He's not sure what's got her so riled up until she starts accusing him of trying to poison Bram against her. It's her careless comments about discipline and blatant lies and someone needs to teach Peeta not to be so insolent that tips him off. His father must have confronted Rachelle about what Peeta had said. His heart lifts for a moment.

And then the doorbell rings. Rachelle goes silent.

He stands and looks out his window, his jaw dropping at the sight of the squad car parked in front of their house. He can hear the muffled sounds of Rachelle talking to someone at the door and then a soft knock on his bedroom door.

"Peeta, it's me," Katniss's voice comes through the wood panel. He unlocks the door and opens it.

"I told you not to come here."

She glares at his cheek and clenches her fists. "Grab your bag. Darius is downstairs. He doesn't know why he's here, but he was coming off duty when I left the house and I told him to bring me here. He's got her distracted. She won't dare touch you in front of a cop."

Hefting his bag over his shoulder, he looks around the room one last time. It's not much. It's full of painful memories. But it was his. When he feels Katniss's hand slip into his, he turns away and walks down the stairs with her by his side.

_**June 2014**_

In the morning, Peeta wakes Katniss with a long kiss. Their lips move in a slow dance, and heat builds deep in his gut. She smiles and wraps her arms around his torso, pulling him, fully dressed, down on top of her.

"I have to go. They need me in the kitchen. Hungry guests, you understand," he whispers when she releases his mouth.

"I'm a hungry guest," she says, a strange look in her eyes.

He grins and kisses her again. Katniss arches into him, silently begging him to stay a few more minutes.

"I can't," he reminds her as he extricates himself from her grasp. Peeta feels his smile faltering as she looks up at him. "I'll send up breakfast for you, though. Pancakes or French toast?"

"Mmmmm, French Toast. Extra syrup. Peeta about last night, and what I said…"

"It's not forever, Katniss. We won't keep it a secret forever," he says the words more to convince himself than to reassure her. Still, he needs something to help him believe that they've got a real shot. A real chance at a future together. "And I can drive down to see you next Saturday. If that's okay."

Giving him a weak smile, she manages a nod and pecks his lips a final time. "Get going then, and I'll call you when I get back to my place."

He whispers "Goodbye" to her and stands up straight, a little more certain, but already tired of leaving her.


End file.
